A Word on Healthy living

I remember my Grandfather as a big Grandpa.  Everyone else had these little old men dressed in jogging suits and my Grandpa was big.  He was tall, like 6 foot 2 tall and farmer strong.  His shiny white hair was my hint that this tall man was a real live grandpa. Now he sit in his chair, so fragile and his eyes scream confusion and frustration as he looks at me unknowingly, "who is this young girl? why is she in my room?" I'm sure that this is what he's thinking before he gives up on trying to figure it out and falls back asleep.  I think that he is escaping, I think his Alzheimer's has him at a point where he knows he is confused and he knows he is weak and he is frustrated...so he sleeps, it is his way of avoiding the stress of being awake.

Seeing my Grandpa was hard this weekend.  It broke my heart to see him so sick and started me thinking about my own life and the way in which I live it now.

 Bikram taught us that stress is one of the number one killers in life, and I think that most of us spend our lives escaping and suppressing the anxiety producing stress which in the end creates sickness.  I think as a yoga teacher and future health coach, it is my responsibility to help people find healthy pathways in their lives to create healthy and happy lives for themselves.  So what are somethings that we can do to be  healthy and happy???  Good question.

1. Acceptance.  This is one thing I struggled with for a long time, and really still do.  For so many of us, we expect our bodies to look and feel a different way, but the truth of the matter is, our bodies, just like our fingerprints have a specificality to them.  No two bodies are the same and no two bodies are supposed to look the same.  A healthy body does not always mean you are the tallest, leanest, perfect hair, perfect breasted, tightest assed woman in the room. A healthy body is one that you take care of, one that can take walks, give hugs, pick up puppies and groceries, one that can love others, make babies, go to work and come home at the end of the day and cook dinner.  A healthy body is one that can run, jump, bike, do yoga and DANCE! One that can celebrate the accomplishments of it's self and it's loved ones, a healthy body FEELS GOOD!  So I think the first thing we have to do to be and stay healthy is accept our selves for who we are.

2. Appreciation.  With acceptance comes appreciation.  Once I was asked what I liked about my self, and truthfully I couldn't answer, so I was asked to appreciate my self.  Appreciate my legs because I can walk, run, jump, stand on one leg and touch my fore head to my knee.  So the bottom line here, is sometimes if it is hard to love everything about yourself, appreciate all that your body does for you.  With appreciation comes respect, and if you respect your body you will most likely treat it more kindly.

3. Food.  This is a tough one.  So after seeing my grandfather, I was able to spend time with my God mother.  I was so blessed to wake up early and find her lying on the couch with a book.  We spent some time talking before the rest of the house woke up, both of us have struggled with food for a good portion of our lives.  Different issues but the same none the less. Whether it was over eating or under eating, food, diet and weight control became a form of escape.  Leading us to question what it really means to have a healthy diet.  For me, I think diet is a very personal thing, and an impossible thing to just master without getting to know yourself first.  How do you know what you should put into your body, if you haven't taken the time to figure out what your body needs?  I do know a few things.  I know that to go on a diet is not the answer.  To establish a healthy eating life style just might be though.  Figure out the things you love to eat, figure out the things that are good for you that you love to eat, eat from the earth, the natural stuff is so much tastier than all the other junk, you just have to give it a chance, and know that there is always more tomorrow, so if the Rita's water ice tasted so good you need more, go for it...TOMORROW, don't over do it tonight.  I think learning about food and nutrition is important, and fun.  So experiment, learn something new and then make it for dinner, and be forgiving and allowing with your self.  There is no shame in loving food, it's a necessity in life, why not enjoy it!

4. Movement. The 89 year old man who sat at my table the other day, who ordered a full tea with a peach scone told me the key to looking "this good at 89"  "A body in motion will stay in motion" So whether it is running, biking, dancing, YOGAING, walking, weight lifting, playing soccer just get out there and MOVE!!!!!  Keep moving and don't give in to being too tired, no energy, too busy.  Just find some time to keep you body moving.  And of course.... a yoga plug.  Bikram yoga exercises every system, organ, muscle in your body it will heal your body mind and soul, so do more yoga!  And if your a runner, biker, soccer player, basketball player, weight lifter know that these activities are hard on your joints, so enjoy them into old age, but be sure to take a yoga class here and there to protect and heal your self.

5. Positivity.  And finally, this week when I thought about all the things I can do to ensure that I'm living both healthfully and happily was to see the good.  Yes, there is a lot of stuff out there that sucks.  Whole foods sold out, the unemployment rate is still so high, the republicans and the democrats hate each  other, and your room mate didn't do the dishes again! But we can not be consumed by it.  Awareness is important, but also knowing that what you do is making a positive impact on the world is important to.  So rather than focusing on the bad, why not focus on all of the good things you can do and see in other people.  I think in the end we will find if more people make a positive change in themselves, we will see that the rest of the world, probably isn't so bad!

So I come back to my Grandfather, sitting in his chair with his sweet nurse by his side.  He lived a full life with a beautiful wife and five successful daughters.  He has eight grand children, who are busy figuring it out, he has seen China, Russia, Israel, and can dock a boat and cook a steak.  My Grandfather can't remember any of it any more.  He sits in his chair sorting his mail and it brakes my heart as well as puts a little bit of fear in me.  When I am 86, I want to be at my granddaughter's wedding and I want to see my second oldest daughter achieve her dream of getting her PhD at 61, so with this in mind I want to spend my days today being healthy, being happy and helping others do the same.

Ok....the next three postures are all about your patience and concentration....

I say this every time I teach, as soon as Eagle is over and people put down their water bottles, I go into my little spiel.  "The next three postures are about your patience and concentrations...your patience with yourself and your body today and your concentration on your mantra..." Today...what is your mantra?  In class, I repeat the words of Bikram,"Lock the knee, Lock the knee LOCK YOUR GOD DAMN KNEE ( ok, I don't say the last part, but if I was the boss I would!)"  Any way, so outside the hot room, what's the word, what do I say to stay focused, concentrated, present?

This has been my challenge this week.  NEWS FLASH: sometimes, even Yogi's have bad weeks and SOMETIMES, even Yogi's have a hard time getting out of their own heads long enough to remember the mantra.  Sometimes, I lay on my back, stare into space and I want to say " breathing in I calm my self, breathing out I smile," but what comes up is; " what the *?@# are you doing? why did you go and ruin everything, your are so ridiculous to even think things would happen for you" WHOA...WHAT? WHO the heck is saying such a thing?  It's hard ya know I'm a work in process, we all are, so sometimes I slip up, and sometimes, I don't treat myself oh so very nice.   And truth be told, this week I've had a lot of time and a lot of arguments with myself.  The two sides of me fighting to find harmony. "Where does hate start? It starts in you....you heart hates your lungs, you mind hates your body and your soul has no interest in a bad body and a screw lose brain"  We have to get our three parts, mind body and soul working together, than and only than we can love others, which will in the end only help us to find happiness in our lives.

So what do we do? What do I do? Well I have to step back into myself and become really MINDFUL.  Why is my ass 5x bigger than it was yesterday and why is it hard for me to get words out, why does it feel like my skin is crawling? Oh...what's that feeling? What's that emotion? Cause news flash, second one today FAT is not a feeling, so we most be feeling something else (and I use "fat" because that is my challenge, you can fill in the blanks with your own)  So maybe I'm feeling ANGRY, can you believe it? Angry, me? Am I even suppose to feel that?  I have to, we all have to accept that an emotion is just energy, not good or bad but necessary to be dealt with.  So I'm angry this week, I still truly haven't figured out why.  Maybe it's frustration with my happenings, maybe it's jealousy, maybe it's....oh who knows, I'll have to figure it out later.  But if I can identify my emotion, accept it and then, guess what meditate on it, use the energy to kick my foot up over the top of my head and stretch forward towards the mirror until, maybe someday, I'll be in standing split.  My emotions and my fears are for real, so are yours but we can't let them define us.  We are not an ANGRY person, a sad person, a jolly person, we are all of these a complete and full person which is the most beautiful way to be. So I guess in the end, these emotions are a sign that we are normal human beings it is how we deal with them which makes us great.

So tonight, I'm trying I'm working on my self and meditating on what I want.  All in all, I want to be happy and I want to be healthy, and I have that, so I should be satisfied.  That is not to say I shouldn't dream.  I have large dreams.  My dreams are to bring this yoga to people who are in need in finding a path towards health, people in recovery from dangerous life styles, people who are seeking to learn about their bodies, how they work and what the run on in order to become stronger versions of themselves, and I get frustrated because I get overwhelmed.  How can I? Little me? Possibly have such a big dream and see it come to fruition? Alex tells me to be patient and stay concentrated, " visualize it Molly, See it!"  Oh man, I hope he's right!

So how do I sign off tonight? What note should I leave on? A high one? Why not?  So my friends, being happy is hard work.  Don't ever think, that one day you will wake up and life will be any easier....if it was easy it wouldn't be as good as it is, so wake up every morning and know that you are in control.  You have control over two things your breath and your reaction, so breath through it, stay calm, accept the moment and feel good.  Wake up every morning and appreciate at least five things in your life, appreciate at least five things about your self, and go with it!  Face each moment as it comes, don't get to far ahead of yourself, and embrace ALL your emotions.  Sometimes punching a pillow helps too!  I just do more yoga, sweat it out baby!


So good night all, much love to you all! Be patient with yourself, your perfect and your doing the best you can as long as you are doing the best you can, concentrate on the moment and the goal.  See it! Visualize it!

Namaste

Molly

A day in the life of a yogi teacher...a two part post!

Part One...Best Decision I ever made...A day in the life...

6:30 am...a rustle from the floor, and a whimper is my wake up call...time to walk the pups. This early hour may seem too early for some, but yogi's don't need sleep and the morning hours are my favorite, so I sneak out of bed pick up the pup, put my shoes on and go for my first morning stroll. 6:30 in the morning the house and the city are quiet, the sun is out in early July, and the heat is on. These are the hours where I sit with myself, quietly, I enjoy the stillness of my house while looking forward to see what today will bring...these days, I'm not sure what my days entail, so I trust that something great is bound to happen!

9:00 am, a pitter patter from the steps wakes me up from the couch...did I say yogis don't sleep...errr umm....sometimes, after a warm bowl of oatmeal a little nap feels good, just a little one...

So this is where no day remains the same, so I'm going to write about my favorite days as a yoga teacher since yoga training! These are the days where I go to work...did I mention that my work right now is doing yoga. My karma yoga is bring health and happiness to others and I do this by teaching others how to appreciate their bodies and all that they do for us as well as maintain a healthy life style. This job does not mean I just teach yoga, it means I do yoga. I have to make sure that I am practicing what I preach, continuing my practice of becoming a healthier, happier, better version of my self! (keep in mind, I'm making up times, I don't necessarily teach or practice at these times...but the bottom line is my favorite days are where I'm teaching two classes and taking one!)

11:00 am, walk down two blocks to pick up the trolley. One token takes me under the river to Center City where I will spend most of my day.

11:30 arrive at the studio, Bikram Yoga Philadelphia has a spirit. This studio has so much energy it thrives on a community of love and honesty and it makes you feel good just to sit on one of the big pillows in the lobby and talk yoga with one of it's very many students

12:00 "Hey Guys! How's it goin'? For those of you who don't know me yet, my name is Molly and I AM YOUR YOGA TEACHER!" flash forward 88 energetic minutes later..."Thank you so much for being here today, you guys worked so hard, you have inspired me to become a better student and a better teacher, now take two minutes to your self, enjoy this time, just breath, just relax and breath!"

3:30 by this time, I've had a snack, I've read dialogue, probably called Alex, went for a walk around the city and sat around the studio just chatting. The clock strikes 3:30 and I am in the center of my mat, concentrated, meditating. 89 minutes later I am in Savasana, breathing, I am here...I am comfortable...I am happy

BAM...5:30, I'm changed, third yoga kit for the day and I'm back on my feet in the hot room, teaching my second class. More energized, a little smarter and a little more warmed up. Man, I love this job!

After class, I hang around for a bit, chatting (seriously how much yoga can one talk...ummm a lot!) I throw in a load of towels, (yup that's right, all those sweaty towels, they don't scare me) and I head back to the trolley, on my way back West to my little home in West Philly!

I walk in the door and a healthy, balanced meal is cooking, it just needs some final Molly touches, some Thai Basil in the salad, a little cinnamon and cayenne on the Salmon and a little splash of love... it makes every meal better. I'm still running on high, so full of energy from my day in the hot room. Alex and I unwind together and it's not long before one of us mentions how grateful we are. Can you imagine? Two people working so hard to fulfill their dreams, going to work every day and THAT is one of the best parts of their days. Together they meet and talk about all the amazing things they are proud of accomplishing in one day and thank each other for supporting and loving one another. Think of it....

So, following my dream and beginning my new path was the best decision I have ever made. When I am focused on it I can see my future and it's fabulous...I just have to keep on working...

And then there's the flip side...the hard work, the work that sometimes doesn't feel all that great.

Making this decision meant I had to sacrifice a lot, I wrote about that a lot in my last entry. With all the amazing things that are happening also came a loss, a loss of comfort, security, organization, routine and of course with loss comes grief. So there are a lot of hours since I have been back that I've been sad, anxious, angry, wanting to cry wanting to punch. A lot of my old demons are creeping in and screaming loud to me. "Your not good enough, you'll never be able to do this." This makes me crazy! How can I heal others if I'm not feeling one hundred percent healed myself....oh that's right...

I think part of my process is discovering answers. My demons, my insecurities may never go away but now my work becomes identifying them, dealing with them and then sharing with others how to let go of them. What do you do when you feel like the fattest girl in the room? The ugliest girl in the room? That you are a failure, the worst, never just quite good enough? What do you do when you want to isolate, crawl in a room and hide from the outside world? What do you do when you want to retreat, return to an earlier, less healthy but "easier" life? hmmmm good question. This is my work right now. I'm teaching yoga, doing yoga, and when I'm not in the hot room it continues. My yoga practice, outside the hot room, becomes being present, appreciating all that I can do and all that I have. Seeing my emotions not as good or bad, but as what they are, waving to them, dealing with them and letting them pass by. My yoga practice becomes remembering that you can't hold on to anything, not your good days or your bad days but appreciate both and what you get from each. From all of my bad days I have become so strong, I have found myself as an individual worthy of love and happiness and I remain focused on that happiness, because MY GOD IT IS SOOOO WORTH IT!!!! Happiness is good don't be scared of it! Seek it, find it, embrace it and remember good days will follow bad. Life is a wave with ups and downs so lie down on your back, open your eyes, gaze at the clouds and let yourself be carried away!

Ok...so the two sides of my life right now as a yoga teacher, are the absolute joy I find in teaching and practicing yoga and the struggle I continue to have as I work towards my dreams. Both sides keep me going and both sides keep me strong....so for now, stay focused on what you want and be mindful of the way in which you live. Everything you do, say, work for, act on should all be done with love in your heart. Love for yourself, love for your friends and love for strangers, we're all just trying the best we can, doing what we know and if you disagree...teach you self, your friends and the strangers, we're all in this together! Yoga means union right!

ok, so it's almost 2:00 and my belly is craving some fruit salad before I hit the hot room. 4:30 teach a class 6:30 take a class!

Much love to you all

Namaste

Molly

Week one---again!t

I know I know you all have been waiting for my weekly post, I'm sure Sunday night you all went to bed thinking, "YES! Tomorrow is Monday...Monday breakfast with Molly's blog!" but then Monday turned to Tuesday and still no post, maybe you all thought it was over, I was done, nothing left to say...but here it is, Wednesday night and I'm finally ready to write, I think maybe I might have a few words to share.

So I'm officially a Yoga teacher, I've taught five classes since landing back in Philadelphia, but the truth is I felt like a teacher as soon as I took my seat on my plane home. After rushing to the airport, talking the check-in attendant into allowing me on a earlier flight and silently battling the flight attendant for carry on, overhead space I calmly took my seat. Soon Jim sat next to me, Jim was a man with a warm smile, and a comforting laugh. He joked, " I guess I should have lost some weight before getting on this plane" No sooner than seat belts were buckled, we started chatting. I learned a lot about Jim, he was on a spiritual path, one where he had found peace and happiness while exploring yoga, healthy eating and happy living, I learned that Jim came from the inner city, was lucky enough to be an athlete with a likable personality which allowed him to balance good grades and good street cred. I learned that Jim had a girlfriend. Jim's girlfriend has Cancer and as Jim grieved this illness he lost site of himself, he gave up on his own body in order to exert all energy on her. "Jim," she said, " I'm going to survive this, make sure I have something to come home to" Jim was on a flight home to his lady, when he sate next to me, he was on a new spiritual journey, this time re-exploring yoga, healthy eating, spirituality and himself in order to make a life for himself and his love. Jim promised me that he would meet me again, and he would take a Bikram class, " I need to," he said as he pointed to his body, " I need to get this healthy so my spirit can live happily here" YEAH JIM!!!! We spoke for over two hours, I know more about him than most people, and as we spoke a sense of relief rushed through me. I did the right thing, going to teacher training was the first step in my OWN personal journey and Jim helped me understand that I am MEANT to do this. I am a teacher, be it English, Yoga, Nutrition, or happiness, I have an understanding that is meant to be shared. I just need to tap into that and this training helped me realize the first part of doing so. The body. Remember! Your body has to healthy so that your mind can make the right decisions so your spirit lives happily in it's temple for as long as YOU want!

Ok, so flash forward, I love the act of teaching yoga! It is so much fun! It is the best job in the world! I love knowing that what I am doing is helping people become better versions of themselves, I love that when I tell a group of 15 people that their leg is not high enough, to "exhale breathing come up one more time" guess what! They do!!!!! I have a lot to work on, rights' lefts, perfect dialogue, corrections blah blah blah, but Bikram says it takes 10 years to become a good teacher, for now I just want to be the best I can be and keep on getting better and better. Teaching and Practicing are very similar, just as much fun and work hand in hand at make you better at the other!

Besides teaching, life at home continues to be wonderful. It is weird, don't get me wrong it takes a moment to assimilate to re-enter the real world. I wake up and I don't HAVE to be anywhere in 15 minutes, my nights end at 11pm, I do errands by myself, people DON"T WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOGA!!!! When I walk in front of a door it doesn't open, when I stand up the toliet doesn't flush, when I put my hands under the faucet, the water doesn't turn on. I have to think and do for myself out side of the bubble...it's just plain strange!

So it took me a while to write this post, and I'm not really sure what to say in it. The first week back is a bit strange, teaching is exciting and home feels good, but I feel a little insecure. Trying to sort through what my next step is, trying to catch up on sleep, trying to figure out if what I have to say is actually worth saying. It took me a while to write this post because for a few days there, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't know if I'm exhausted, if I am just too excited or what but a huge part of me just keeps questioning myself, even thought I know I'm doing the right thing, and I'm so proud to be doing it. It might not seem like much, I teach yoga, but guys...I followed a dream. That's huge! It's also really scary, I'm venturing off the beaten path and there are thorns and sink holes everywhere. I just have to have faith, patience, determination, self-control and concentration and soon enough I will see the light. So I encourage everyone to pave their own path, be smart, but do what makes you happy. Bad days happen, but an underlining sense that life is good makes everything worth it. Enjoy this life Enjoy Enjoy Enjoy. So that being said...I'm off to take a shower, with some good smelling soaps, walk my pups, make some tea and crash on the couch with a good movie. In a few hours Alex will be home to tuck me in to bed for the night....good night good night good night! See you next week! And if your in the area check out some of my classes!

Much Love to you

Namaste

Molly

Week 9-- better late than never

Right now I'm sitting on my couch, it's 7:00 am (I've been up for about two hours, while the rest of my house sleeps). I do of course have the company of my youngest pup, who sits at my feet chewing on what ever toy she can get her paws on. I've been home for two days and it's like I never left, it has been 9 weeks since I have woken up, moved to the couch and watched mindless TV until normal waking hours, but here I am.

About a year and a half ago...well wait let me start from the beginning. Three years ago, I was sick, not the happiest chick in the world and pretty lost in the world. I was determined to find happiness and define for myself what it meant to have a full life. I worked really hard to try to find who I was and appreciate that person, I found Bikram Yoga. My first class I was high, I had never felt so good, a few classes later, my teacher Leo spoke gently during camel pose "Meditate on something you love and push your hips forward and lift your chest up, concentrate on that thing...I choose ice cream what do you choose" I choose myself. As I fought through the dizzy "oh my god I'm going to throw up" my mantra was " I love that my body can do this, I love that my body can do this" I knew at that moment that I needed this yoga to become a healthy version of myself. Bikram yoga helped me find perfection in the human body and appreciation for myself, I knew that at some point I would become a teacher...one day I will write a book and you will all be able to read more about that journey, but for now, this blog is about my teacher training journey.

So flash forward, 2 and a half years later, one and a half years ago. I had just finished a class at Bikram Yoga Main Line. As I chatted outside the ladies changing room about "some day I will go to training" a tall handsome guy approached me "Your going to teacher training" he had the most amazing speaking voice I had ever heard, "Oh man, I would love to but I doubt I'll ever make it" I had no idea where my life was going.

Today, it's now 7:11 am, and I'm lying on the couch of the house that I own, with the man that I love, the same handsome man that approached me at the studio, sleeping upstairs and the only reason I'm awake is I have just returned home from 9 weeks inside of Bikram's yoga bubble, where 2-3 hours of sleep is all that I needed. Since 6 am, I have e-mailed and scheduled classes for the next 2 months, I have worked on a welcome home yogi party, and now I'm writing my blog, it's true. A yogi works while the rest of the world sleeps!

And, what can I tell you about being home? Am I different? Is life different? Do I miss training? What will I do next? It's hard to say. Home is perfection, I'm so blessed to have the life that I get to come home to. I worked hard for this life, I appreciate it every day and I'm very happy to be here. I do feel a little different. I feel like I can handle it. Throw some thing at me and I'll figure out a way of working it out. It's kinda like in posture clinics, when Mishon would start challenging us by throwing spit balls and water bottles and farm animal noises at us as we struggled to remember dialogue. The only things constant in life are breath and change, so when life takes a surprising turn, the only thing you can count on is breath. What was that thing, I am here, I am breathing, I am comfortable, I am happy ( my new mantra). I feel a weight has lifted off of me after the past nine weeks. I am floating, levitating, shit....I'm just plain happy! And of course I miss training, I was surrounded by 430 amazing people at any given time, my biggest decision of the day was which yoga kit to wear and I was taking yoga classes in the worlds largest hot room! To be honest though, as much as I miss it, 9 weeks was enough and I'm happy to take yoga in my home studio where I am surrounded by all the love and support of the teachers who inspired me. Oh, and jeez, what will I do next...walk the dog, she's scratching at the door, take a yoga class, teach a yoga class and take every moment as it comes. I have unlimited opportunities and I plan to take advantage of each and every one of them! But I do have dreams, and I hope that as I keep realizing them, I will write about them and you will all read about them. I hope that I inspire people to take life into their own hands and create their own paths for health and happiness, to bond their mind body and soul in holy matrimony. Who knows? Now I'm getting all mushy...blah blah blah. Keep reading, we will find out together!

So the bottom line... I am unbelievably proud of myself and every other yogi who just graduated from Teacher Training. I am so excited to read all about our first classes, and I'm a mixture of nerves and excitement as I prepare my self to teach my first class. So thank you Bikram for being my teacher, thanks to your support team who made this training an amazing experience, thank you my friends and family for all of your support, with out you I would not have had the courage to take such a risk, Thank you Alex for taking care of me, our home and our pup, while I ventured to California and thank you to all of my fellow yogis, senior teachers, new teachers and future teachers. What an amazing community we are all apart of. And what was that song I sang in a previous blog, the same song that was stuck in my head weeks after meeting Alex," Thank you lord, for what you done for me....thank you lord for what you're doing now...thank you lord for every little thing....thank you Lord for you make me sing..."

Some of you may be asking...what about week 9, where's the dirt? What was it like....well send me a message, write me an e-mail, give me a call...but for now I'd like to hold on to it. Week nine was ummm....well....week nine! We slept for a total of 7 hour, we practiced with over 600 people, we were inspired by champion yogis, we laughed, we cried, we said our good byes, we celebrated, we took voluntary yoga classes, we got angry, we got excited, we learned we challenged and we GRADUATED!!!! Whooo hoooo!

So that's it guys....my Teacher training journey is done, but my life journey is not. I'll keep blogging, I like it and if you do keep reading, it'll be fun!

Much love to you all!

Namaste

Molly

P.S. No matter what Boss says...the best food is home cooked food!

Week 8--belly full of pita, yogurt and LOVE for you all! (thanks Mimi for a great title!)

Week 8! Can you believe it? Just think of it! Eight weeks ago I was crawling into bed to take my very first yoga class at teacher training which would kill me and make me question if I would ever make it through nine weeks in the hottest ballroom in the world. Tonight, I'm in bed, belly full, a little wired, and a lotta happy getting ready to take my very last Monday morning yoga class. I remember the first class, the heat hit me like a wall, the mirrors were fogged from the haze of 130 degrees 40 percent humidity and 430 yogis, Bikram's energy charged through me and I sat in envy of the two air conditioned blowers that blew down to cool him as he yelled to us "Push, push push...push more push harder..." Tonight, I have no anxiety for my next yoga class. Two a day on 3-5 hours of sleep has become my reality and I look forward to sweating and stretching 8 more times with my 430 new friends from 38 countries around the world.

So this week my sister wrote me a nice, long e-mail. In our crazy, life changing lives with nine hours time difference between us it is hard for us to catch up and really get a gist of what is going on in each other's lives, so her e-mail was refreshing. It asked me to reflect on my expierence, the things that I have learned from being here, about my self, not about yoga, and the three things I plan to do as soon as I get home. So that is what I want to share with you this week, I'll tell you some highlights and lowlights in a bit, but first I want to get into the deep 'ish, because to understand how amazing week 8 is, you have to understand that this week I truly appreciated this journey "inside out, bones to skin, finger tip to toes" I'm going to share you the edited version of what I wrote to my sis, some of it is for her eyes only...that's what makes having a sister so special, sister secrets (don't worry mom, she usually tells you anyway...and Alex I always tell you!)

So wow, this expierence. Well, first of all I am so proud of my self for doing it, It took a lot of courage to give up a very " comfortable" life aka income to do something that I knew would point me in a direction towards my dreams. It has been amazingly hard. The truth is, surprisingly my issues and my sick voice was louder than ever here. So what does that mean? Every day I struggle, there is not a single day in my life that is easy for me to be free of the things I fight against, but I love my life so much now, so at home it is really easy to say to myself why the hell would I ever give this life up to go back to living the way I did, so shut up ugly voice, I'm gonna go cuddle with my boyfriend. So the first few weeks here, it was really hard. I was constantly beating my self up and judging. Luckily we have no time, so I didn't have to much time to get upset, i just kept pushing. I had amazing moments of self realization and happiness and at times I cried out of complete joy and pride. Because I know that I have worked so hard to be here and I am so proud of myself for becoming such a strong person and I truly believe that I'm in the process of creating the life that I want to have and how can I not be happy and really, when I stop comparing myself to others and who I think I "should be", I really do think I'm a pretty cool person. I feel like i have a gift and this is the first step to teach me how to share that gift So what am I taking away, well 1. self appreciation, 2. so much knowledge about the importance of keeping your body healthy so that you are keeping your mind and your spirit happy, it's an understanding that your body is a temple that holds your spirit, so take care of it, keep it clean and strong, because you want your spirit to want to live inside of this body for a long long time. 3. I made amazing friends and I found out even more the kind of people I like to surround my self around. 4 I found out I love to write, I love my blog, and it inspires me to home and write my book! 4. I have a deeper understanding of what I want to do with my future (i.e. which nutrition program I'm going to do and what I want to do with it) 5. there is so much really, but of course I seriously appreciate my life at home, I love our family I love Alex, and my house and philadelphia and I can't wait to bring all of this new awareness back there with me!

That's a little bit of what I took from this expierence I guess, I feel like there is so much and I can't wait to answer that question again in a few months after I have some time to reflect on it a little bit more.

And OH MY GOD I can't wait to go home! I can't wait for a proper date with Alex and serious cuddle time on the couch! I teach on Wednesday 2 classses! I'm so excited! Top three things to do! 1. Cuddle time (lots of it) 2. sleep and then wake up and move to the couch to sleep some more 3. Eat good meals, meals I cooked in a Kitchen!!!!! and of course go to Vietnam Cafe (our fav)

What I wrote to my sister was the truth. I struggled for a really long time and my struggle found me strength and here and now that I'm ending my time inside this bubble, I have found appreciation for myself, my life and my dreams. I am so very excited to see what tomorrow brings, because I know I have survived a lot and life can throw a lot at me, and although it may not be easy and days may be hard, I'll be ok, I'll be more than ok...

Ok ok...enough already, you guys are probably sick of my rambling and want to hear some of the fun stuff about week 8, so here is a quick run down. You can decide for yourselves if they were high points or low...

1. Joel taught! F"in A I do Bikram yoga!

2. Yogurtland and Pink berry....rita's you have competition

3. Santa Monica with Thayne and Malea...LA fashion is DANGEROUSLY ADORABLE!

4. A blood blister on my TOUNGE!!! WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!!!! (not normal...but don't worry, it only lasted a few hours and it's completely gone)

5. Crying crying crying

6. Sweating sweating sweating

7. Saturday night out on the town, Sushi and a movie....Hang Over II almost as funny as the first

8. Group three dinner....Magically yummy with 20 amazing people from all walks of life

9. Mahabharata...beginning at 1:00 am

10. Girls night in...

Ummm...I think 10 is enough for you....the more you read, the more you will get....we have one more week together so stay tuned...Week nine's bound to be a good one!

So much love to you all...

Namaste

Molly

Week Seven---Did someone turn on the heat????

Let's talk about the heat. So a lot of times, I tell people, " I do Bikram yoga?" and they respond, "Oh yea, I do yoga too...what's Bikram?" I start my little shpeel, and when I get to the part about, 105 degrees, they always respond the same way. "Why does it have to be so hot, isn't that dangerous?"

Well, guys no, it's not dangerous, and 105 is just a number, a Bikram Yoga room is hot and humid and it's soooo good for you. You learn to love the heat, you get addicted to the heat and you dread the cold. There is nothing like warming up in the hot room on a cold Philadelphia day or walking out of the hot room in California and jumping right into a crisp pool. The heat has so many benefits, go take a class and then come see me! I'll tell you about all the wonderful things you just did for your self, and who knows maybe you'll turn around and do a double.

But any way, yoga's good for you, we all know that. This blog isn't about that. I could go on and on. This blog is about Bikram Yoga Teacher Training, and let me tell you, this is not a typical yoga class. Teacher training is, to put it mildly, INTENSE!

This week the 430 yogis who practice regularly in the hot room welcomed another 130 already certified teachers to join us on the line. 2 of which, Kristin and Fiona, flew in from Berwyn Pa, with care packages and hugs for the Philadelphia/mainline ladies, it's so good to have home in California, it makes the days so much brighter! With open arms and hearts we moved our mats closer to one another and began Pranayama (good for the lungs and respiratory system). The hum of 600 (give or take) yogis was mind blowing. As we expanded our chest and rib cage filled up our lungs the sweat began to pour. By the second set of Awkward pose (gives you a great ass pose) we knew we were in for it. The ball room where once people joined hand in hand in holy matrimony, was now a hostile marriage of mind and body. Our minds screamed "Get out Get out, it's way to hot in here" as our bodies fought through "make it through this posture, you'll be ok, remember Dr. P, you have all the O2 you will ever need," I don't know if any one will ever understand how hot it was in there, but let me try to explain to you...These things were witnessed and not as "weird" as you make think.

THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED...

Visualize it....hot room , 600 people, who knows what temp, who knows what percentage humidity, lone ice cube on the carpet, empty water bottle. The man looked deep into his water bottle, tried to suck out one last drop, but to his dismay dry as the Sahara. His hand ventured off the mat, onto the carpet, picked up the ice cube AND ATE IT!!!!!

Imagine how this man must have felt. After 2 hours and 30 minutes. It's line number 6, in the middle of the hot room. His mat is drenched, my chihuahua could take a dip in his puddles. He turns to the sweaty girl next to me and says, " I'm so glad that is over, I was moments away from licking my foot" You know it's hot when your foot looks thirst quenching!

As I walked out of of the hot room after 2 and a half hours, amazingly I still had an entire bottle of water. A loyal member of group 8 turned to me with desperate eyes, " Do .... you.... have....eh eh eh....waaaatttteeeerrrrr?" I couldn't talk I had to get out but I tried my best to smile as I handed her 1.5 liters of a smart water. I'm not positive but I'm pretty sure I saw tears of joy in here eyes, it's the small things that make us happy here.

I could go on but the bottom line is this. This week, week seven yoga was hard. The average class was two hours, taught be senior teachers who knew how to hold postures, push us to our maximums and kill us so that we could wake up the next day a better and stronger person. I won't lie to you, there were moments when I thought I would die, that I couldn't go on. I hyperventilated, I cried, but you know what? I survived and I turned around and took t all 11 classes, and tried my best to hold all 286 postures and at the end of the week, Sunday night, I am itching for another class! I can't wait to get back in the room.

But Mom, Dad, those of you who worry about me, don't worry, no "danger danger" I'm having an amazing time, loving every moment and in reflection even the moments I'm hating are pretty spectacular, and it's not all work either. There is time for play.

So real quick, before I say good night, let me tell you about Manhattan beach. Today Kelly and I woke up with a terrible itch. An itch that can only be scratched by one thing...SHOPPING, so we declared it roomie bonding day and jumped on the Trolley down to Manhattan beach. We bounced in and out of boutique after boutique falling in love with almost every thing we tried on. It was a yoga free day, almost no studying ( I may regret this in the morning) and we had a blast, got to know each other a little better, got a shopping high, which isn't so different from a yoga high and are now both coming down hard as we settle into our designated sleep number beds.

There was more to this week, but this was just a taste, some of the special stuff I'll save for my self, for phone calls and for stories for home. So good night all, I'm off to bed! I have yoga in the morning! Week 8!

Namaste

Much love to you all

Molly