Hello dedicated readers! Previously on last weeks episode...I mean blog, I wrote about being kind to your self. I made a promise to myself to be nice for one whole week. To not deprive myself, to not be mean and to try something new...so hmmm how did I do??? Well... Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday I woke up singing! Declaring to my fiance that waking up singing is the best way to wake up and that "I LOVE today!" And then 5:00 hit, I ran out of gas, I had to get to work and I started being mean, I could feel it creeping in, I tried to avoid it but it came out, I was distracted, I was grumpy and yes, I was weepy. But then something happened...
A woman came into the yoga studio with her 15 year old daughter. The girl was beautiful, a perfect little fifteen, healthy, young lady. "Hi, I want to sign my daughter up for your class, will this help her lose some weight, she wants to model and her agent wants her to lose weight here (pointing to her inner thigh) and here ( pointing to her waist)" My heart sank.
" Well, this yoga brings you back to normal" was the beginning of my response. "If you are underweight it will bring you up if you are over weight down, if you are healthy it will keep you there" The woman looked at me puzzled. "I can't tell you that this yoga is going to help this young lady lose weight, she looks perfectly beautiful to me." The mother's eyes glazed over, "Oh, um, well, how long have you been doing this." four years, I started when I got the word from my DR. that I was allowed to do physical activity again. "four years" I said. "Can you stand up?" THE AUDACITY! This woman, wanted me to stand up so she could check me out! My jaw dropped!
" I will not stand up and show you what I look like, the yoga has nothing to do with what I look like. It is a meditation, a mental discipline it's not about what you look like it's about being healthy, mentally, physically and emotionally" The woman looked disappointed. "oh....ok...well we'll sign J- up for the intro week then, maybe it will help with her homework...but umm...it's not going to make her bigger right?"
And there it was, my karma, my work coming into my life right at that moment. Bringing peace, sense of self, health and self worth into peoples lives. One yoga class at a time... well ok maybe that's a bit much, but really. This is what I'm doing. I'm working to bring health, self worth and peace into people's lives. This is my yoga, my karma yoga.
I taught 15 classes last week. Each class was different, I taught according to the needs of the class. Some needed some tough love, while others needed a little more kindness a little more stillness each class was taught with love and the intention to make people learn something new about themselves. That's what it is, that's why we do this yoga to learn about ourselves and to learn to deal with ourselves and to find joy in who we are. The class that J- took, I taught about health. About the body's ability to give you what you need as long as you take care of it. I talked about how by taking care of and listening to your body, you begin to be able to understand your mind, and when the two things come together is when we find peace within ourselves. When we stop fighting.
When I went home, I fell back into my pattern. I spilled some gas and I started to cry, called my self an idiot and completely forgot my promise to myself. I woke up the next day and I decided, I can't let one day set me back, I had made a promise, so Friday was going to be a good day and I was going to be kind all day long. I wonder...can I do this for 365 days, be nice to myself each and every day? What will the out come be? Will I have more days where I wake up singing rather than weepy and grumpy? Hmmm....it's worth a try...so how about this? I'm going to try for 365 days to be kind to myself. To say something nice about me or my world every day, to smile at people, act out of love and continue to feed my soul rather than deprive my body. I know there will be some ugly moments, there always are, but through yoga we learn to breath through it.
Iyengar says " The mind is the kingdom of the senses and the breath is the kingdom of the breath" If we have control over our breath, something bad happens and we continue to breath, deep breath in, deep breath out, then we have control over our senses. When we feel, we don't have to react without thinking, we breath through it and choose to not react. How about that! It's just like we say in class....life is still difficult, we just get more at ease with how difficult it is. So the next time the gas tank empties, I split a pair of pants, or get another bill, I can choose to breath through it rather than reacting, placing blame and fighting. 365 days, being nice to myself...breathing through it. Who's with me?
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Isn't Ironic....
Isn't it ironic...
that today, February 27, 2012 marks the first day of Eating Disorder Awareness week, when last night as I stepped into the shower I had a rush over me. Now this rush isn't uncommon, the "Oh my god, I hate my body," rush, that sends me into a muscle spasm. My body just tenses up and it's a bit hard for me to breath for a few moments. I'm lucky it can only lasts a few moments, before I'm wrapped up in the arms of the man I love and I remember why I am where I am to begin with.
So I know, it's been a while since I have written, but I felt like today was a good day for me to start again. I've been teaching for a while, almost a year in fact, and I as much as I am enjoying teaching, I am even more enjoying learning more and more about myself. I think to understand what I have learned you have to know a bit of where I am came from.
So hear it is....I struggled with an eating disorder... for a really long time, it was ugly and scary and my best friend all at the same time. In 2007, my body gave up on me and I had to make a change. With some help, a lot of time, a lot of determination, a lot of tears and a lot of pain, I became a healthy version of myself. One day, hopefully one day soon, you will be able to read my book about my journey towards health. But anyway... since I have become a Bikram yoga teacher, I have learned so much about my body's needs, about my dietary needs, I have learned more and more about nutrition and food, and I have learned a lot about how the human body works. The human body is an amazing perfect machine that knows what it needs, knows how to take care of itself, but the sad thing is, we have been taught to fight our bodies to listen to a junked up mind and deprive our bodies of the things they need the most. So now, I have to make this clear. Having an eating disorder really has nothing to do with wanting to be thin. Yes, I wanted and I still want to be thin, but a lot more goes into it and to fight an eating disorder you have to work to complete a full healthy life. That requires mental, physical and emotional love, care and health. So in a quick blog, I can not go into what an eating disorder is and what you can do to help heal from one, but I can begin to talk about taking care of your body and falling in love with all of the things you body allows you to do.
Since I have been back from teacher training, I have had a lot of hard days a lot of self doubt, dare I say self hate kinda days, and I have grown from each hard day. I know that these days are important for me right now because, if I am really expecting myself to help others than I really have to figure it out for myself to begin with. I have done a lot of exploring and I have really started to understand.
I know, I know, we all want to lose weight, we all want a perfect body. But here it is. Your body, your healthy happy body, is perfect and your weight..."it's the least interesting part about you" That number flashing between your feet means nothing absolutely nothing if you are taking care of your body and your body's needs. I have come to a conclusion, every time you decide you want to diet, you want to cut something out of your diet, you have to do something way more fun. You have to ADD something to your diet. Something that your body is going to love you for and give back to you for. So many times, we come to the conclusion that the less we eat the happier we will be. We are so wrong. Eating is essential parts of life. So what if we instead of cutting out foods, we did a little research leaned about what foods work well with our bodies, worked well with each other and tried new things in order to lead a healthier life. Like beans, yum, that has been my most recent discovery and can I tell you my palate and belly are pretty happy! When we make healthy decisions, healthy food decisions, healthy life style decisions, our body is happy and gives back. It gives us good days, strength to make it through yoga classes, and spin classes and hikes through the woods. Our healthy body, gives us the energy to laugh with our friends, kiss our boyfriends, dance in the kitchen, go for walks with our pups and enjoy the little things in life. Our health starts with our body. We begin by taking care of our bodies, and then our mind catches up. When our mind and our body work together, that's when the magic really happens.... but that takes works. Lots of time, lots of effort and lots and lots of love.
So in the end, in honor of eating disorder awareness week, I am making a pledge for the week, at least the week and I hope you will join me. I am going to be nice to myself all week long. I'm not going to let myself talk bad about myself , I'm not going to let my mind deprive my body, and I am going to smile more than I frown (not that I frown very often...I have a natural yoga grin at this point) I am going to try something new...hmmm any one have any good recipes?
Much love to you all
Namaste
Molly
that today, February 27, 2012 marks the first day of Eating Disorder Awareness week, when last night as I stepped into the shower I had a rush over me. Now this rush isn't uncommon, the "Oh my god, I hate my body," rush, that sends me into a muscle spasm. My body just tenses up and it's a bit hard for me to breath for a few moments. I'm lucky it can only lasts a few moments, before I'm wrapped up in the arms of the man I love and I remember why I am where I am to begin with.
So I know, it's been a while since I have written, but I felt like today was a good day for me to start again. I've been teaching for a while, almost a year in fact, and I as much as I am enjoying teaching, I am even more enjoying learning more and more about myself. I think to understand what I have learned you have to know a bit of where I am came from.
So hear it is....I struggled with an eating disorder... for a really long time, it was ugly and scary and my best friend all at the same time. In 2007, my body gave up on me and I had to make a change. With some help, a lot of time, a lot of determination, a lot of tears and a lot of pain, I became a healthy version of myself. One day, hopefully one day soon, you will be able to read my book about my journey towards health. But anyway... since I have become a Bikram yoga teacher, I have learned so much about my body's needs, about my dietary needs, I have learned more and more about nutrition and food, and I have learned a lot about how the human body works. The human body is an amazing perfect machine that knows what it needs, knows how to take care of itself, but the sad thing is, we have been taught to fight our bodies to listen to a junked up mind and deprive our bodies of the things they need the most. So now, I have to make this clear. Having an eating disorder really has nothing to do with wanting to be thin. Yes, I wanted and I still want to be thin, but a lot more goes into it and to fight an eating disorder you have to work to complete a full healthy life. That requires mental, physical and emotional love, care and health. So in a quick blog, I can not go into what an eating disorder is and what you can do to help heal from one, but I can begin to talk about taking care of your body and falling in love with all of the things you body allows you to do.
Since I have been back from teacher training, I have had a lot of hard days a lot of self doubt, dare I say self hate kinda days, and I have grown from each hard day. I know that these days are important for me right now because, if I am really expecting myself to help others than I really have to figure it out for myself to begin with. I have done a lot of exploring and I have really started to understand.
I know, I know, we all want to lose weight, we all want a perfect body. But here it is. Your body, your healthy happy body, is perfect and your weight..."it's the least interesting part about you" That number flashing between your feet means nothing absolutely nothing if you are taking care of your body and your body's needs. I have come to a conclusion, every time you decide you want to diet, you want to cut something out of your diet, you have to do something way more fun. You have to ADD something to your diet. Something that your body is going to love you for and give back to you for. So many times, we come to the conclusion that the less we eat the happier we will be. We are so wrong. Eating is essential parts of life. So what if we instead of cutting out foods, we did a little research leaned about what foods work well with our bodies, worked well with each other and tried new things in order to lead a healthier life. Like beans, yum, that has been my most recent discovery and can I tell you my palate and belly are pretty happy! When we make healthy decisions, healthy food decisions, healthy life style decisions, our body is happy and gives back. It gives us good days, strength to make it through yoga classes, and spin classes and hikes through the woods. Our healthy body, gives us the energy to laugh with our friends, kiss our boyfriends, dance in the kitchen, go for walks with our pups and enjoy the little things in life. Our health starts with our body. We begin by taking care of our bodies, and then our mind catches up. When our mind and our body work together, that's when the magic really happens.... but that takes works. Lots of time, lots of effort and lots and lots of love.
So in the end, in honor of eating disorder awareness week, I am making a pledge for the week, at least the week and I hope you will join me. I am going to be nice to myself all week long. I'm not going to let myself talk bad about myself , I'm not going to let my mind deprive my body, and I am going to smile more than I frown (not that I frown very often...I have a natural yoga grin at this point) I am going to try something new...hmmm any one have any good recipes?
Much love to you all
Namaste
Molly
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Working through it....
"Breath through it....work through it..." Sandy's words during her ritualistic Sunday morning class remind us that through it all we must always work through it...breath through it....
We say it in class all the time, you have to touch the pain in order to make the decision, do you back off or do you work through it. It seems contrary but the truth is, pain is a huge part of yoga. During a ninety minute class it is normal to feel. Yes, that's right it is normal to FEEL. We feel tremendous stretching pain, sometimes sharp ouch, don't want to go there pain, sometimes it's emotional pain that is being released during one of those huge hip openers. No matter what it is, the pain we feel as yoga practioners, as humans, is very real....it's what we do with it that matters.
So where have I been. Ummm..in pain, no I kid. I haven't been writing because to be honest I want what I teach to be authentic, I want to practice what I preach, so I had to wrap my head around all the new things in my life, I had to learn from them, I had to open up to them, so that I could share my insights with you as honestly and truly as I feel them.
The past six months have been a whirl wind. I became a yoga teacher, fell into a new pattern of living, I lost my grandfather, I was reminded of the power of family, I got ENGAGED and learned that to be completely open to someone else, to except others as family as equals, as best friends means accepting that you are just as worthy of love. I have had some serious, sciatic, hip, feet and ankle pain, I have cried a fair amount, I have laughed a whole lot more than I have cried, I have felt lonely and I have felt connected in ways that I couldn't dream possible. Oh, and did I mention tired! I can't believe all of this has happened in such a short amount of time. So the question then becomes what happens to the girl who is changing rapidly, finding herself and losing herself at the same time. I think for me I get a bit overwhelmed and it comes out as a self doubt. I end up doubting myself, my decisions, my relationships (thankfully not the one with the man who put the ring on my finger...that man is my rock!) I get overwhelmed and I begin to put my self down. I know I have written about it before but it's the one thing that pops up over and over again and I continue to learn more and more about myself each and every time.
So for the past few months, I have been almost afraid to sit down and write, the same time I write this blog, I am trying to finish up a book I have been working on for quite some time, and Alex keeps reminding me, "babe, why don't you go write today?" "I've got nothing to say" is my answer. The truth is, I didn't feel authentic. I want my words, my work to help others. I want to help other's see the values and the beauty within themselves, but I also want to be able to say I do the same. So I haven't written because I have been having a hard time finding the value and the beauty within myself. But I think that is what makes me authentic, and my words have meaning. Buddha says suffering is part of life. Bikram says his yoga is his torture chamber, in order to truly see ourselves and appreciate the goodness in our lives it is true that we do have to touch the pain. So I've been working through it breathing through it. In the most literal sense, I haven't been able to do Trikonasana for months, my hamstrings and hips have been hurting and I just couldn't get my hips low enough into the posture. I couldn't let myself get hung up on it. Every day I approached the posture with integrity and patience and yesterday, I let go just a little bit, let go of the pain, the fear and bam there it was Triangle. In the more emotional sense. I have been tough on myself, not wanting to accept that bodies change, people change, relationships change but life can grow out of them and it all becomes a journey towards finding that moment of calm. Today, I did not wake up and say to myself "you are beautiful, you are perfect time to go write" I told myself to let go just a little bit. Let go of the fear of becoming someone new. Each day we change right? We can count on that! We can count our breath getting us through the change and then we can accept what is new. Learning to love yourself means accepting that change is inevitable but we can grow with it, learn from it rather than resist it. There is this little poster floating around face book right now it says "Bikram yoga is the first time you start loving yourself, because it's the first time you start seeing yourself" There is so much truth in that. For ninety minutes a day you are faced with the stillness of your mind. Each posture has the power to open you up into seeing your capabilities, possibilities. Of course, for a long time, we see the flaws, but looking past that how can we grow stronger from them. How do our flaws become our capabilities? By working through them, breathing through it, relaxing into it and letting go of the fear.
So today, my yoga is spending the day by myself, in my quiet little house, with my two dogs and my little white mac book. Letting go of the fear that I will not be able to accomplish all of the things in my life that I want, but rather digging deep and finding the strength to take steps towards my goal. In a Yoga class, we do not do yoga, there is no goal, it's just the journey. Each day I am excited to go on my yoga journey, to see what my body is able to do, but the truth is, the real yoga begins outside of the room. We learn how to breath while being stretched to our limits in the room, so that when in the real world, when we are being pulled up, down, left and right, with out a clear answer as where to really go, we know that we will make the best decision for ourselves at that moment, with no regrets or attachments, but rather excitement to see the capabilities of our bodies, minds and spirits.
Namaste...so much love to you all
Molly
We say it in class all the time, you have to touch the pain in order to make the decision, do you back off or do you work through it. It seems contrary but the truth is, pain is a huge part of yoga. During a ninety minute class it is normal to feel. Yes, that's right it is normal to FEEL. We feel tremendous stretching pain, sometimes sharp ouch, don't want to go there pain, sometimes it's emotional pain that is being released during one of those huge hip openers. No matter what it is, the pain we feel as yoga practioners, as humans, is very real....it's what we do with it that matters.
So where have I been. Ummm..in pain, no I kid. I haven't been writing because to be honest I want what I teach to be authentic, I want to practice what I preach, so I had to wrap my head around all the new things in my life, I had to learn from them, I had to open up to them, so that I could share my insights with you as honestly and truly as I feel them.
The past six months have been a whirl wind. I became a yoga teacher, fell into a new pattern of living, I lost my grandfather, I was reminded of the power of family, I got ENGAGED and learned that to be completely open to someone else, to except others as family as equals, as best friends means accepting that you are just as worthy of love. I have had some serious, sciatic, hip, feet and ankle pain, I have cried a fair amount, I have laughed a whole lot more than I have cried, I have felt lonely and I have felt connected in ways that I couldn't dream possible. Oh, and did I mention tired! I can't believe all of this has happened in such a short amount of time. So the question then becomes what happens to the girl who is changing rapidly, finding herself and losing herself at the same time. I think for me I get a bit overwhelmed and it comes out as a self doubt. I end up doubting myself, my decisions, my relationships (thankfully not the one with the man who put the ring on my finger...that man is my rock!) I get overwhelmed and I begin to put my self down. I know I have written about it before but it's the one thing that pops up over and over again and I continue to learn more and more about myself each and every time.
So for the past few months, I have been almost afraid to sit down and write, the same time I write this blog, I am trying to finish up a book I have been working on for quite some time, and Alex keeps reminding me, "babe, why don't you go write today?" "I've got nothing to say" is my answer. The truth is, I didn't feel authentic. I want my words, my work to help others. I want to help other's see the values and the beauty within themselves, but I also want to be able to say I do the same. So I haven't written because I have been having a hard time finding the value and the beauty within myself. But I think that is what makes me authentic, and my words have meaning. Buddha says suffering is part of life. Bikram says his yoga is his torture chamber, in order to truly see ourselves and appreciate the goodness in our lives it is true that we do have to touch the pain. So I've been working through it breathing through it. In the most literal sense, I haven't been able to do Trikonasana for months, my hamstrings and hips have been hurting and I just couldn't get my hips low enough into the posture. I couldn't let myself get hung up on it. Every day I approached the posture with integrity and patience and yesterday, I let go just a little bit, let go of the pain, the fear and bam there it was Triangle. In the more emotional sense. I have been tough on myself, not wanting to accept that bodies change, people change, relationships change but life can grow out of them and it all becomes a journey towards finding that moment of calm. Today, I did not wake up and say to myself "you are beautiful, you are perfect time to go write" I told myself to let go just a little bit. Let go of the fear of becoming someone new. Each day we change right? We can count on that! We can count our breath getting us through the change and then we can accept what is new. Learning to love yourself means accepting that change is inevitable but we can grow with it, learn from it rather than resist it. There is this little poster floating around face book right now it says "Bikram yoga is the first time you start loving yourself, because it's the first time you start seeing yourself" There is so much truth in that. For ninety minutes a day you are faced with the stillness of your mind. Each posture has the power to open you up into seeing your capabilities, possibilities. Of course, for a long time, we see the flaws, but looking past that how can we grow stronger from them. How do our flaws become our capabilities? By working through them, breathing through it, relaxing into it and letting go of the fear.
So today, my yoga is spending the day by myself, in my quiet little house, with my two dogs and my little white mac book. Letting go of the fear that I will not be able to accomplish all of the things in my life that I want, but rather digging deep and finding the strength to take steps towards my goal. In a Yoga class, we do not do yoga, there is no goal, it's just the journey. Each day I am excited to go on my yoga journey, to see what my body is able to do, but the truth is, the real yoga begins outside of the room. We learn how to breath while being stretched to our limits in the room, so that when in the real world, when we are being pulled up, down, left and right, with out a clear answer as where to really go, we know that we will make the best decision for ourselves at that moment, with no regrets or attachments, but rather excitement to see the capabilities of our bodies, minds and spirits.
Namaste...so much love to you all
Molly
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
A Word on Healthy living
I remember my Grandfather as a big Grandpa. Everyone else had these little old men dressed in jogging suits and my Grandpa was big. He was tall, like 6 foot 2 tall and farmer strong. His shiny white hair was my hint that this tall man was a real live grandpa. Now he sit in his chair, so fragile and his eyes scream confusion and frustration as he looks at me unknowingly, "who is this young girl? why is she in my room?" I'm sure that this is what he's thinking before he gives up on trying to figure it out and falls back asleep. I think that he is escaping, I think his Alzheimer's has him at a point where he knows he is confused and he knows he is weak and he is frustrated...so he sleeps, it is his way of avoiding the stress of being awake.
Seeing my Grandpa was hard this weekend. It broke my heart to see him so sick and started me thinking about my own life and the way in which I live it now.
Bikram taught us that stress is one of the number one killers in life, and I think that most of us spend our lives escaping and suppressing the anxiety producing stress which in the end creates sickness. I think as a yoga teacher and future health coach, it is my responsibility to help people find healthy pathways in their lives to create healthy and happy lives for themselves. So what are somethings that we can do to be healthy and happy??? Good question.
1. Acceptance. This is one thing I struggled with for a long time, and really still do. For so many of us, we expect our bodies to look and feel a different way, but the truth of the matter is, our bodies, just like our fingerprints have a specificality to them. No two bodies are the same and no two bodies are supposed to look the same. A healthy body does not always mean you are the tallest, leanest, perfect hair, perfect breasted, tightest assed woman in the room. A healthy body is one that you take care of, one that can take walks, give hugs, pick up puppies and groceries, one that can love others, make babies, go to work and come home at the end of the day and cook dinner. A healthy body is one that can run, jump, bike, do yoga and DANCE! One that can celebrate the accomplishments of it's self and it's loved ones, a healthy body FEELS GOOD! So I think the first thing we have to do to be and stay healthy is accept our selves for who we are.
2. Appreciation. With acceptance comes appreciation. Once I was asked what I liked about my self, and truthfully I couldn't answer, so I was asked to appreciate my self. Appreciate my legs because I can walk, run, jump, stand on one leg and touch my fore head to my knee. So the bottom line here, is sometimes if it is hard to love everything about yourself, appreciate all that your body does for you. With appreciation comes respect, and if you respect your body you will most likely treat it more kindly.
3. Food. This is a tough one. So after seeing my grandfather, I was able to spend time with my God mother. I was so blessed to wake up early and find her lying on the couch with a book. We spent some time talking before the rest of the house woke up, both of us have struggled with food for a good portion of our lives. Different issues but the same none the less. Whether it was over eating or under eating, food, diet and weight control became a form of escape. Leading us to question what it really means to have a healthy diet. For me, I think diet is a very personal thing, and an impossible thing to just master without getting to know yourself first. How do you know what you should put into your body, if you haven't taken the time to figure out what your body needs? I do know a few things. I know that to go on a diet is not the answer. To establish a healthy eating life style just might be though. Figure out the things you love to eat, figure out the things that are good for you that you love to eat, eat from the earth, the natural stuff is so much tastier than all the other junk, you just have to give it a chance, and know that there is always more tomorrow, so if the Rita's water ice tasted so good you need more, go for it...TOMORROW, don't over do it tonight. I think learning about food and nutrition is important, and fun. So experiment, learn something new and then make it for dinner, and be forgiving and allowing with your self. There is no shame in loving food, it's a necessity in life, why not enjoy it!
4. Movement. The 89 year old man who sat at my table the other day, who ordered a full tea with a peach scone told me the key to looking "this good at 89" "A body in motion will stay in motion" So whether it is running, biking, dancing, YOGAING, walking, weight lifting, playing soccer just get out there and MOVE!!!!! Keep moving and don't give in to being too tired, no energy, too busy. Just find some time to keep you body moving. And of course.... a yoga plug. Bikram yoga exercises every system, organ, muscle in your body it will heal your body mind and soul, so do more yoga! And if your a runner, biker, soccer player, basketball player, weight lifter know that these activities are hard on your joints, so enjoy them into old age, but be sure to take a yoga class here and there to protect and heal your self.
5. Positivity. And finally, this week when I thought about all the things I can do to ensure that I'm living both healthfully and happily was to see the good. Yes, there is a lot of stuff out there that sucks. Whole foods sold out, the unemployment rate is still so high, the republicans and the democrats hate each other, and your room mate didn't do the dishes again! But we can not be consumed by it. Awareness is important, but also knowing that what you do is making a positive impact on the world is important to. So rather than focusing on the bad, why not focus on all of the good things you can do and see in other people. I think in the end we will find if more people make a positive change in themselves, we will see that the rest of the world, probably isn't so bad!
So I come back to my Grandfather, sitting in his chair with his sweet nurse by his side. He lived a full life with a beautiful wife and five successful daughters. He has eight grand children, who are busy figuring it out, he has seen China, Russia, Israel, and can dock a boat and cook a steak. My Grandfather can't remember any of it any more. He sits in his chair sorting his mail and it brakes my heart as well as puts a little bit of fear in me. When I am 86, I want to be at my granddaughter's wedding and I want to see my second oldest daughter achieve her dream of getting her PhD at 61, so with this in mind I want to spend my days today being healthy, being happy and helping others do the same.
Seeing my Grandpa was hard this weekend. It broke my heart to see him so sick and started me thinking about my own life and the way in which I live it now.
Bikram taught us that stress is one of the number one killers in life, and I think that most of us spend our lives escaping and suppressing the anxiety producing stress which in the end creates sickness. I think as a yoga teacher and future health coach, it is my responsibility to help people find healthy pathways in their lives to create healthy and happy lives for themselves. So what are somethings that we can do to be healthy and happy??? Good question.
1. Acceptance. This is one thing I struggled with for a long time, and really still do. For so many of us, we expect our bodies to look and feel a different way, but the truth of the matter is, our bodies, just like our fingerprints have a specificality to them. No two bodies are the same and no two bodies are supposed to look the same. A healthy body does not always mean you are the tallest, leanest, perfect hair, perfect breasted, tightest assed woman in the room. A healthy body is one that you take care of, one that can take walks, give hugs, pick up puppies and groceries, one that can love others, make babies, go to work and come home at the end of the day and cook dinner. A healthy body is one that can run, jump, bike, do yoga and DANCE! One that can celebrate the accomplishments of it's self and it's loved ones, a healthy body FEELS GOOD! So I think the first thing we have to do to be and stay healthy is accept our selves for who we are.
2. Appreciation. With acceptance comes appreciation. Once I was asked what I liked about my self, and truthfully I couldn't answer, so I was asked to appreciate my self. Appreciate my legs because I can walk, run, jump, stand on one leg and touch my fore head to my knee. So the bottom line here, is sometimes if it is hard to love everything about yourself, appreciate all that your body does for you. With appreciation comes respect, and if you respect your body you will most likely treat it more kindly.
3. Food. This is a tough one. So after seeing my grandfather, I was able to spend time with my God mother. I was so blessed to wake up early and find her lying on the couch with a book. We spent some time talking before the rest of the house woke up, both of us have struggled with food for a good portion of our lives. Different issues but the same none the less. Whether it was over eating or under eating, food, diet and weight control became a form of escape. Leading us to question what it really means to have a healthy diet. For me, I think diet is a very personal thing, and an impossible thing to just master without getting to know yourself first. How do you know what you should put into your body, if you haven't taken the time to figure out what your body needs? I do know a few things. I know that to go on a diet is not the answer. To establish a healthy eating life style just might be though. Figure out the things you love to eat, figure out the things that are good for you that you love to eat, eat from the earth, the natural stuff is so much tastier than all the other junk, you just have to give it a chance, and know that there is always more tomorrow, so if the Rita's water ice tasted so good you need more, go for it...TOMORROW, don't over do it tonight. I think learning about food and nutrition is important, and fun. So experiment, learn something new and then make it for dinner, and be forgiving and allowing with your self. There is no shame in loving food, it's a necessity in life, why not enjoy it!
4. Movement. The 89 year old man who sat at my table the other day, who ordered a full tea with a peach scone told me the key to looking "this good at 89" "A body in motion will stay in motion" So whether it is running, biking, dancing, YOGAING, walking, weight lifting, playing soccer just get out there and MOVE!!!!! Keep moving and don't give in to being too tired, no energy, too busy. Just find some time to keep you body moving. And of course.... a yoga plug. Bikram yoga exercises every system, organ, muscle in your body it will heal your body mind and soul, so do more yoga! And if your a runner, biker, soccer player, basketball player, weight lifter know that these activities are hard on your joints, so enjoy them into old age, but be sure to take a yoga class here and there to protect and heal your self.
5. Positivity. And finally, this week when I thought about all the things I can do to ensure that I'm living both healthfully and happily was to see the good. Yes, there is a lot of stuff out there that sucks. Whole foods sold out, the unemployment rate is still so high, the republicans and the democrats hate each other, and your room mate didn't do the dishes again! But we can not be consumed by it. Awareness is important, but also knowing that what you do is making a positive impact on the world is important to. So rather than focusing on the bad, why not focus on all of the good things you can do and see in other people. I think in the end we will find if more people make a positive change in themselves, we will see that the rest of the world, probably isn't so bad!
So I come back to my Grandfather, sitting in his chair with his sweet nurse by his side. He lived a full life with a beautiful wife and five successful daughters. He has eight grand children, who are busy figuring it out, he has seen China, Russia, Israel, and can dock a boat and cook a steak. My Grandfather can't remember any of it any more. He sits in his chair sorting his mail and it brakes my heart as well as puts a little bit of fear in me. When I am 86, I want to be at my granddaughter's wedding and I want to see my second oldest daughter achieve her dream of getting her PhD at 61, so with this in mind I want to spend my days today being healthy, being happy and helping others do the same.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Ok....the next three postures are all about your patience and concentration....
I say this every time I teach, as soon as Eagle is over and people put down their water bottles, I go into my little spiel. "The next three postures are about your patience and concentrations...your patience with yourself and your body today and your concentration on your mantra..." Today...what is your mantra? In class, I repeat the words of Bikram,"Lock the knee, Lock the knee LOCK YOUR GOD DAMN KNEE ( ok, I don't say the last part, but if I was the boss I would!)" Any way, so outside the hot room, what's the word, what do I say to stay focused, concentrated, present?
This has been my challenge this week. NEWS FLASH: sometimes, even Yogi's have bad weeks and SOMETIMES, even Yogi's have a hard time getting out of their own heads long enough to remember the mantra. Sometimes, I lay on my back, stare into space and I want to say " breathing in I calm my self, breathing out I smile," but what comes up is; " what the *?@# are you doing? why did you go and ruin everything, your are so ridiculous to even think things would happen for you" WHOA...WHAT? WHO the heck is saying such a thing? It's hard ya know I'm a work in process, we all are, so sometimes I slip up, and sometimes, I don't treat myself oh so very nice. And truth be told, this week I've had a lot of time and a lot of arguments with myself. The two sides of me fighting to find harmony. "Where does hate start? It starts in you....you heart hates your lungs, you mind hates your body and your soul has no interest in a bad body and a screw lose brain" We have to get our three parts, mind body and soul working together, than and only than we can love others, which will in the end only help us to find happiness in our lives.
So what do we do? What do I do? Well I have to step back into myself and become really MINDFUL. Why is my ass 5x bigger than it was yesterday and why is it hard for me to get words out, why does it feel like my skin is crawling? Oh...what's that feeling? What's that emotion? Cause news flash, second one today FAT is not a feeling, so we most be feeling something else (and I use "fat" because that is my challenge, you can fill in the blanks with your own) So maybe I'm feeling ANGRY, can you believe it? Angry, me? Am I even suppose to feel that? I have to, we all have to accept that an emotion is just energy, not good or bad but necessary to be dealt with. So I'm angry this week, I still truly haven't figured out why. Maybe it's frustration with my happenings, maybe it's jealousy, maybe it's....oh who knows, I'll have to figure it out later. But if I can identify my emotion, accept it and then, guess what meditate on it, use the energy to kick my foot up over the top of my head and stretch forward towards the mirror until, maybe someday, I'll be in standing split. My emotions and my fears are for real, so are yours but we can't let them define us. We are not an ANGRY person, a sad person, a jolly person, we are all of these a complete and full person which is the most beautiful way to be. So I guess in the end, these emotions are a sign that we are normal human beings it is how we deal with them which makes us great.
So tonight, I'm trying I'm working on my self and meditating on what I want. All in all, I want to be happy and I want to be healthy, and I have that, so I should be satisfied. That is not to say I shouldn't dream. I have large dreams. My dreams are to bring this yoga to people who are in need in finding a path towards health, people in recovery from dangerous life styles, people who are seeking to learn about their bodies, how they work and what the run on in order to become stronger versions of themselves, and I get frustrated because I get overwhelmed. How can I? Little me? Possibly have such a big dream and see it come to fruition? Alex tells me to be patient and stay concentrated, " visualize it Molly, See it!" Oh man, I hope he's right!
So how do I sign off tonight? What note should I leave on? A high one? Why not? So my friends, being happy is hard work. Don't ever think, that one day you will wake up and life will be any easier....if it was easy it wouldn't be as good as it is, so wake up every morning and know that you are in control. You have control over two things your breath and your reaction, so breath through it, stay calm, accept the moment and feel good. Wake up every morning and appreciate at least five things in your life, appreciate at least five things about your self, and go with it! Face each moment as it comes, don't get to far ahead of yourself, and embrace ALL your emotions. Sometimes punching a pillow helps too! I just do more yoga, sweat it out baby!
So good night all, much love to you all! Be patient with yourself, your perfect and your doing the best you can as long as you are doing the best you can, concentrate on the moment and the goal. See it! Visualize it!
Namaste
Molly
This has been my challenge this week. NEWS FLASH: sometimes, even Yogi's have bad weeks and SOMETIMES, even Yogi's have a hard time getting out of their own heads long enough to remember the mantra. Sometimes, I lay on my back, stare into space and I want to say " breathing in I calm my self, breathing out I smile," but what comes up is; " what the *?@# are you doing? why did you go and ruin everything, your are so ridiculous to even think things would happen for you" WHOA...WHAT? WHO the heck is saying such a thing? It's hard ya know I'm a work in process, we all are, so sometimes I slip up, and sometimes, I don't treat myself oh so very nice. And truth be told, this week I've had a lot of time and a lot of arguments with myself. The two sides of me fighting to find harmony. "Where does hate start? It starts in you....you heart hates your lungs, you mind hates your body and your soul has no interest in a bad body and a screw lose brain" We have to get our three parts, mind body and soul working together, than and only than we can love others, which will in the end only help us to find happiness in our lives.
So what do we do? What do I do? Well I have to step back into myself and become really MINDFUL. Why is my ass 5x bigger than it was yesterday and why is it hard for me to get words out, why does it feel like my skin is crawling? Oh...what's that feeling? What's that emotion? Cause news flash, second one today FAT is not a feeling, so we most be feeling something else (and I use "fat" because that is my challenge, you can fill in the blanks with your own) So maybe I'm feeling ANGRY, can you believe it? Angry, me? Am I even suppose to feel that? I have to, we all have to accept that an emotion is just energy, not good or bad but necessary to be dealt with. So I'm angry this week, I still truly haven't figured out why. Maybe it's frustration with my happenings, maybe it's jealousy, maybe it's....oh who knows, I'll have to figure it out later. But if I can identify my emotion, accept it and then, guess what meditate on it, use the energy to kick my foot up over the top of my head and stretch forward towards the mirror until, maybe someday, I'll be in standing split. My emotions and my fears are for real, so are yours but we can't let them define us. We are not an ANGRY person, a sad person, a jolly person, we are all of these a complete and full person which is the most beautiful way to be. So I guess in the end, these emotions are a sign that we are normal human beings it is how we deal with them which makes us great.
So tonight, I'm trying I'm working on my self and meditating on what I want. All in all, I want to be happy and I want to be healthy, and I have that, so I should be satisfied. That is not to say I shouldn't dream. I have large dreams. My dreams are to bring this yoga to people who are in need in finding a path towards health, people in recovery from dangerous life styles, people who are seeking to learn about their bodies, how they work and what the run on in order to become stronger versions of themselves, and I get frustrated because I get overwhelmed. How can I? Little me? Possibly have such a big dream and see it come to fruition? Alex tells me to be patient and stay concentrated, " visualize it Molly, See it!" Oh man, I hope he's right!
So how do I sign off tonight? What note should I leave on? A high one? Why not? So my friends, being happy is hard work. Don't ever think, that one day you will wake up and life will be any easier....if it was easy it wouldn't be as good as it is, so wake up every morning and know that you are in control. You have control over two things your breath and your reaction, so breath through it, stay calm, accept the moment and feel good. Wake up every morning and appreciate at least five things in your life, appreciate at least five things about your self, and go with it! Face each moment as it comes, don't get to far ahead of yourself, and embrace ALL your emotions. Sometimes punching a pillow helps too! I just do more yoga, sweat it out baby!
So good night all, much love to you all! Be patient with yourself, your perfect and your doing the best you can as long as you are doing the best you can, concentrate on the moment and the goal. See it! Visualize it!
Namaste
Molly
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
A day in the life of a yogi teacher...a two part post!
Part One...Best Decision I ever made...A day in the life...
6:30 am...a rustle from the floor, and a whimper is my wake up call...time to walk the pups. This early hour may seem too early for some, but yogi's don't need sleep and the morning hours are my favorite, so I sneak out of bed pick up the pup, put my shoes on and go for my first morning stroll. 6:30 in the morning the house and the city are quiet, the sun is out in early July, and the heat is on. These are the hours where I sit with myself, quietly, I enjoy the stillness of my house while looking forward to see what today will bring...these days, I'm not sure what my days entail, so I trust that something great is bound to happen!
9:00 am, a pitter patter from the steps wakes me up from the couch...did I say yogis don't sleep...errr umm....sometimes, after a warm bowl of oatmeal a little nap feels good, just a little one...
So this is where no day remains the same, so I'm going to write about my favorite days as a yoga teacher since yoga training! These are the days where I go to work...did I mention that my work right now is doing yoga. My karma yoga is bring health and happiness to others and I do this by teaching others how to appreciate their bodies and all that they do for us as well as maintain a healthy life style. This job does not mean I just teach yoga, it means I do yoga. I have to make sure that I am practicing what I preach, continuing my practice of becoming a healthier, happier, better version of my self! (keep in mind, I'm making up times, I don't necessarily teach or practice at these times...but the bottom line is my favorite days are where I'm teaching two classes and taking one!)
11:00 am, walk down two blocks to pick up the trolley. One token takes me under the river to Center City where I will spend most of my day.
11:30 arrive at the studio, Bikram Yoga Philadelphia has a spirit. This studio has so much energy it thrives on a community of love and honesty and it makes you feel good just to sit on one of the big pillows in the lobby and talk yoga with one of it's very many students
12:00 "Hey Guys! How's it goin'? For those of you who don't know me yet, my name is Molly and I AM YOUR YOGA TEACHER!" flash forward 88 energetic minutes later..."Thank you so much for being here today, you guys worked so hard, you have inspired me to become a better student and a better teacher, now take two minutes to your self, enjoy this time, just breath, just relax and breath!"
3:30 by this time, I've had a snack, I've read dialogue, probably called Alex, went for a walk around the city and sat around the studio just chatting. The clock strikes 3:30 and I am in the center of my mat, concentrated, meditating. 89 minutes later I am in Savasana, breathing, I am here...I am comfortable...I am happy
BAM...5:30, I'm changed, third yoga kit for the day and I'm back on my feet in the hot room, teaching my second class. More energized, a little smarter and a little more warmed up. Man, I love this job!
After class, I hang around for a bit, chatting (seriously how much yoga can one talk...ummm a lot!) I throw in a load of towels, (yup that's right, all those sweaty towels, they don't scare me) and I head back to the trolley, on my way back West to my little home in West Philly!
I walk in the door and a healthy, balanced meal is cooking, it just needs some final Molly touches, some Thai Basil in the salad, a little cinnamon and cayenne on the Salmon and a little splash of love... it makes every meal better. I'm still running on high, so full of energy from my day in the hot room. Alex and I unwind together and it's not long before one of us mentions how grateful we are. Can you imagine? Two people working so hard to fulfill their dreams, going to work every day and THAT is one of the best parts of their days. Together they meet and talk about all the amazing things they are proud of accomplishing in one day and thank each other for supporting and loving one another. Think of it....
So, following my dream and beginning my new path was the best decision I have ever made. When I am focused on it I can see my future and it's fabulous...I just have to keep on working...
And then there's the flip side...the hard work, the work that sometimes doesn't feel all that great.
Making this decision meant I had to sacrifice a lot, I wrote about that a lot in my last entry. With all the amazing things that are happening also came a loss, a loss of comfort, security, organization, routine and of course with loss comes grief. So there are a lot of hours since I have been back that I've been sad, anxious, angry, wanting to cry wanting to punch. A lot of my old demons are creeping in and screaming loud to me. "Your not good enough, you'll never be able to do this." This makes me crazy! How can I heal others if I'm not feeling one hundred percent healed myself....oh that's right...
I think part of my process is discovering answers. My demons, my insecurities may never go away but now my work becomes identifying them, dealing with them and then sharing with others how to let go of them. What do you do when you feel like the fattest girl in the room? The ugliest girl in the room? That you are a failure, the worst, never just quite good enough? What do you do when you want to isolate, crawl in a room and hide from the outside world? What do you do when you want to retreat, return to an earlier, less healthy but "easier" life? hmmmm good question. This is my work right now. I'm teaching yoga, doing yoga, and when I'm not in the hot room it continues. My yoga practice, outside the hot room, becomes being present, appreciating all that I can do and all that I have. Seeing my emotions not as good or bad, but as what they are, waving to them, dealing with them and letting them pass by. My yoga practice becomes remembering that you can't hold on to anything, not your good days or your bad days but appreciate both and what you get from each. From all of my bad days I have become so strong, I have found myself as an individual worthy of love and happiness and I remain focused on that happiness, because MY GOD IT IS SOOOO WORTH IT!!!! Happiness is good don't be scared of it! Seek it, find it, embrace it and remember good days will follow bad. Life is a wave with ups and downs so lie down on your back, open your eyes, gaze at the clouds and let yourself be carried away!
Ok...so the two sides of my life right now as a yoga teacher, are the absolute joy I find in teaching and practicing yoga and the struggle I continue to have as I work towards my dreams. Both sides keep me going and both sides keep me strong....so for now, stay focused on what you want and be mindful of the way in which you live. Everything you do, say, work for, act on should all be done with love in your heart. Love for yourself, love for your friends and love for strangers, we're all just trying the best we can, doing what we know and if you disagree...teach you self, your friends and the strangers, we're all in this together! Yoga means union right!
ok, so it's almost 2:00 and my belly is craving some fruit salad before I hit the hot room. 4:30 teach a class 6:30 take a class!
Much love to you all
Namaste
Molly
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Week one---again!t
I know I know you all have been waiting for my weekly post, I'm sure Sunday night you all went to bed thinking, "YES! Tomorrow is Monday...Monday breakfast with Molly's blog!" but then Monday turned to Tuesday and still no post, maybe you all thought it was over, I was done, nothing left to say...but here it is, Wednesday night and I'm finally ready to write, I think maybe I might have a few words to share.
So I'm officially a Yoga teacher, I've taught five classes since landing back in Philadelphia, but the truth is I felt like a teacher as soon as I took my seat on my plane home. After rushing to the airport, talking the check-in attendant into allowing me on a earlier flight and silently battling the flight attendant for carry on, overhead space I calmly took my seat. Soon Jim sat next to me, Jim was a man with a warm smile, and a comforting laugh. He joked, " I guess I should have lost some weight before getting on this plane" No sooner than seat belts were buckled, we started chatting. I learned a lot about Jim, he was on a spiritual path, one where he had found peace and happiness while exploring yoga, healthy eating and happy living, I learned that Jim came from the inner city, was lucky enough to be an athlete with a likable personality which allowed him to balance good grades and good street cred. I learned that Jim had a girlfriend. Jim's girlfriend has Cancer and as Jim grieved this illness he lost site of himself, he gave up on his own body in order to exert all energy on her. "Jim," she said, " I'm going to survive this, make sure I have something to come home to" Jim was on a flight home to his lady, when he sate next to me, he was on a new spiritual journey, this time re-exploring yoga, healthy eating, spirituality and himself in order to make a life for himself and his love. Jim promised me that he would meet me again, and he would take a Bikram class, " I need to," he said as he pointed to his body, " I need to get this healthy so my spirit can live happily here" YEAH JIM!!!! We spoke for over two hours, I know more about him than most people, and as we spoke a sense of relief rushed through me. I did the right thing, going to teacher training was the first step in my OWN personal journey and Jim helped me understand that I am MEANT to do this. I am a teacher, be it English, Yoga, Nutrition, or happiness, I have an understanding that is meant to be shared. I just need to tap into that and this training helped me realize the first part of doing so. The body. Remember! Your body has to healthy so that your mind can make the right decisions so your spirit lives happily in it's temple for as long as YOU want!
Ok, so flash forward, I love the act of teaching yoga! It is so much fun! It is the best job in the world! I love knowing that what I am doing is helping people become better versions of themselves, I love that when I tell a group of 15 people that their leg is not high enough, to "exhale breathing come up one more time" guess what! They do!!!!! I have a lot to work on, rights' lefts, perfect dialogue, corrections blah blah blah, but Bikram says it takes 10 years to become a good teacher, for now I just want to be the best I can be and keep on getting better and better. Teaching and Practicing are very similar, just as much fun and work hand in hand at make you better at the other!
Besides teaching, life at home continues to be wonderful. It is weird, don't get me wrong it takes a moment to assimilate to re-enter the real world. I wake up and I don't HAVE to be anywhere in 15 minutes, my nights end at 11pm, I do errands by myself, people DON"T WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOGA!!!! When I walk in front of a door it doesn't open, when I stand up the toliet doesn't flush, when I put my hands under the faucet, the water doesn't turn on. I have to think and do for myself out side of the bubble...it's just plain strange!
So it took me a while to write this post, and I'm not really sure what to say in it. The first week back is a bit strange, teaching is exciting and home feels good, but I feel a little insecure. Trying to sort through what my next step is, trying to catch up on sleep, trying to figure out if what I have to say is actually worth saying. It took me a while to write this post because for a few days there, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't know if I'm exhausted, if I am just too excited or what but a huge part of me just keeps questioning myself, even thought I know I'm doing the right thing, and I'm so proud to be doing it. It might not seem like much, I teach yoga, but guys...I followed a dream. That's huge! It's also really scary, I'm venturing off the beaten path and there are thorns and sink holes everywhere. I just have to have faith, patience, determination, self-control and concentration and soon enough I will see the light. So I encourage everyone to pave their own path, be smart, but do what makes you happy. Bad days happen, but an underlining sense that life is good makes everything worth it. Enjoy this life Enjoy Enjoy Enjoy. So that being said...I'm off to take a shower, with some good smelling soaps, walk my pups, make some tea and crash on the couch with a good movie. In a few hours Alex will be home to tuck me in to bed for the night....good night good night good night! See you next week! And if your in the area check out some of my classes!
Much Love to you
Namaste
Molly
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