Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Are yogis even allowed to be mad???

There is an image, maybe in my mind, a yogi, a yogini sitting cross-legged, thumb and index fingers meeting in an oblong circle and eyes cast down calm and serene.

Right,  if we do enough yoga, if we practice enough in the hot room isn't it true, don't our teachers promise that happiness is quick to follow.  So what happens when life gets real and it doesn't feel easier outside of the hot room.  Didn't I just suffer 90 minutes so I could feel good the 22 1/2 hours I'm not in the room? Isn't that what I was promised during my last Savasana?

Well the truth is life does happen and sometimes it's not easy and sometimes it stays not easy for longer than ninety minutes, sometimes it's a whole day, a whole week, maybe even months or years at a time when life just isn't as easy as breathing through it sounds like it should be.

It's funny, I've been pretty stressed the past few ummm weeks? months? Don't get me wrong, if you ask me if I am a happy person, I feel beyond blessed to say that I am one of the luckiest people I know because YES, I am truly and honestly happy, but life hasn't been all butterflies and kisses and I've been a bit stressed for a good stretch of time.  Money is tight, help is limited, sleep is sparse, and emotions are high and sometimes, every once in a while it gets the best of me.  This week my stresses and my anxieties reared their ugly heads as a bit of anger.  Now I don't want to sound like I'm an angry person, but I was just quick to get angry, quick to the fight this week.  So far this doesn't sound funny, the funny part, funny as in interesting not hahah hilarious, is that almost everyone I have spoken to this week has been in the same boat.  Maybe it's that we are stuck in the worlds longest winter I don't know, but it seems to me that tensions are high these day and I figured it was worth a word or two.

So what happens when a yogi gets mad, because I say it in class every once in a while " a yogi shows no struggle," do we bury it down, not acknowledge our emotion and put on our happy smiling face?  What happens when a yogi gets mad? are they even allowed?

I think there is a lot of truth in what comes up after we do Camel Pose, you hear your teacher say it, "normal to feel nauseous, dizzy, emotional, mad at me"  I usually finish this sentence with something like "this is energy, try not to judge it, criticize it or label it, acknowledge it and let it go"  MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE.  Much easier to do in the yoga studio than in real life, but that is why we practice.

So yes, yogis are allowed to get mad, they will, no doubt, someone will irk them and that image of the serene yogi will be challenged by the red faced, eye brows raised, forehead scrunched face person that we are all capable of becoming.

It's interesting how frustration plays out in the yoga room, you had a bad day, your husband said that thing, your boss asked you to work on your day off, that thing happened, but in the yoga room sometimes it turns into " my neighbor breaths to heavy" " this teacher talks too much" " The room feels to cold"  And this is where we can really start to practice .  The truth is yes, sometimes the person next to you breaths heavy (sometimes their breath stinks!) sometimes the teacher talks too much, sometimes the room is too hot or too cold, but all of that does not matter if shift your attention to something much more simple.  When you shift your attention to what it is you are doing at that very present moment, maybe it's breathing, maybe locking your knee, all that other stuff becomes less significant until it doesn't even exist anymore.  This is our practice for the real world, when shit gets REAL.

If you can find your peace in your Hatha Yoga practice.  If you can find stillness in the mind there, then you should be, ideally be able to find it outside of the yoga studio as well.  A constant practice, a constant awareness of where your mind is and a mindful practice of bringing back to the present moment can help you to keep from getting to attached to being angry.

So I guess, I'm trying to work it out in my mind, but I think that being angry is an emotion just like all the rest and it doesn't have to be a bad one, the scary part of anger is when we hold on to it.  What happens if we acknowledge that we feel it and then let it go, shift our attention to the task at hand, be it breathing, scrubbing the floors, forming a standing split or nursing your baby in the middle of the night, what if we shift our attention to the task and work on doing our best? I wonder if just as quickly as it came the feelings will pass and we can find a bit of calm in the middle of the storm?

I'm going to practice it, I mean I am CONSTANTLY practicing it, but I am going to set a goal, that this week I will give the task at hand my 100% participation and see if I can't find more joy in that than anything else? Are you with me?

Much Love,
Molly

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Student, Teacher, Yogi, Mommy, Business Woman, Molly

The week before Miles was born my sister called me.  I was huge, lying on the couch praying that my little boy would come a week early when my sister propositioned me, "Molly, what do you think about opening up a yoga studio?"  Now this had been my dream since the very early days of doing yoga.  I remember my teacher, Leo, asking me when I was going to go to training, I remember my first words to my future husband, "oh no, I'll never be able to afford to go!"  I remember the conversation with my mom, on the train in London, "Mom, I'm going to teacher training, I'm quitting my job in April and going to LA for 9 weeks."  and I remember crying as my sister muttered the words that would make my dream come true.  I said "umm, yes." but inside I was screaming "NO! I'm having a baby next week, NO this can not happen now!"

I didn't think it would be possible, to open a business and become a first time mom all in the same year, I just wasn't sure how it would work, but at teacher training we learned to have faith.  To have faith that if you work hard, if you stay present than you can do absolutely anything, so I jumped.  I started the search for the perfect location and my sister and I started making plans, talking budget and hashing out logistics.

Just a bit over 3 weeks ago, Bikram Yoga Doylestown opened it's doors.  It has been amazing! Amazingly exhausting, amazingly fulfilling, and amazingly exciting.  Since our doors have opened my husband and I have been tag teaming, we slap five and say "ok go, you have Miles now for the next 2 hours"  We are both working hard creating something that is meaningful, working hard at being good parents, maintaining a home (kinda) and staying on top of our relationship.  It get's tough.

Last Tuesday, I taught the 5:30 am class, I took the 9:30 and was heading back to the studio to take the 4:30 and do checkin for the 6:30.  I was so tired, I was approaching the studio and I remembered the other thing I learned at teacher training, that I was stronger than I knew!  I thought to myself, you did this at teacher training, you dragged your tired ass to class and you did all 26 postures sometimes even with a smile of your face, you can do it again.  So I did.

Last Friday night I cried.  My sister was in town for the Grand opening, I was packing my bag for work as she and my hubby fixed dinner for the kiddos (Miles and his perfect cousin Lyla).  I felt like I was missing out, I was missing out on dinners with my bub, good night kisses and all the tiny monumental firsts that happen one million times a day right now.  As I started the class I remember one more thing.  In order to take advantage of every moment, in order to find joy in what ever it is I am doing, I need to stay present.  We preach  it in the Hot Room, but it has to be put into practice out side.  Instead of getting sad about missing moments later, I should have just hugged my little guy and found peace in his smile, in his smell and his touch.  That is how I can be a very busy working mom, while maintaing the feeling of being very involved in my little guys days.

So, Bikram Yoga Doylestown has completed a part of my life.  It has given me an outlet to share my love of this yoga and to support others in their journeys towards health, wellness, wholeness and completeness.  I am working on putting my computer down (although it is so hard, I am constantly checking to see if we have any new likes! Up to 751 already!!!) and cherishing each moment I have with my hubby and my son.  I am working on staying present and enjoying each moment.  I have been finding peace in the quiet time I have cleaning the studio and I have found strength in teaching and practicing with a very tired body.

Before I started typing I re-read what I wrote in my last post, ya know in JUNE!  At the end I had listed what I was learning about being a mommy and a yogi.  Now I can reflect on what I have learned from being a mommy, a yogi and a studio owner!

1.  Things are always going to be hard, there will never be a better time than now to get things done.
2.  Have faith.  Things work out, locations fall through, but better ones pop up,  budgets get blown, but cuts can happen else where, have faith that things will have a way of working out.  ( I forget this one A LOT)
3. Stay present.  To me, this is the most important.  Life is busy, we all have lists, and fears, and anxieties but stay present in the very moment.  What ever it is you are doing, breathing in Savasana, vacuuming, nursing your baby at 3am when your alarm is going off at 4:14, give that task your 100 percent attention and participation.  This is joy.  Keep it simple, don't bother with getting to far ahead of your self.
4.  You are stronger than you could ever imagine.  You can do things you don't think you can, your body can do it, you just have to trick your mind into believing it.

Ok, Miles is at school, and I have 30 minutes before I have to head back to the studio, so I'm going to try to get some cleaning done!  If you are in the area come visit me at Bikram Yoga Doylestown, I would love to see your Happy Smiling Face!

Much love to you,
Molly

P.S. I'm not sure how much sense this posts makes, remember I'm pretty tired!