Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Working through it....

"Breath through it....work through it..." Sandy's words during her ritualistic Sunday morning class remind us that through it all we must always work through it...breath through it....

We say it in class all the time, you have to touch the pain in order to make the decision, do you back off or do you work through it.  It seems contrary but the truth is, pain is a huge part of yoga. During a ninety minute class it is normal to feel.  Yes, that's right it is normal to FEEL.  We feel tremendous stretching pain, sometimes sharp ouch, don't want to go there pain, sometimes it's emotional pain that is being released during one of those huge hip openers.  No matter what it is, the pain we feel as yoga practioners, as humans, is very real....it's what we do with it that matters.

So where have I been.  Ummm..in pain, no I kid.  I haven't been writing because to be honest I want what I teach to be authentic, I want to practice what I preach, so I had to wrap my head around all the new things in my life, I had to learn from them, I had to open up to them, so that I could share my insights with you as honestly and truly as I feel them.

The past six months have been a whirl wind.  I became a yoga teacher, fell into a new pattern of living, I lost my grandfather, I was reminded of the power of family, I got ENGAGED and learned that to be completely open to someone else, to except others as family as equals, as best friends means accepting that you are just as worthy of love.  I have had some serious, sciatic, hip, feet and ankle pain, I have cried a fair amount, I have laughed a whole lot more than I have cried, I have felt lonely and I have felt connected in ways that I couldn't dream possible. Oh, and did I mention tired! I can't believe all of this has happened in such a short amount of time.  So the question then becomes what happens to the girl who is changing rapidly, finding herself and losing herself at the same time.  I think for me I get a bit overwhelmed and it comes out as a self doubt.  I end up doubting myself, my decisions, my relationships (thankfully not the one with the man who put the ring on my finger...that man is my rock!) I get overwhelmed and I begin to put my self down.  I know I have written about it before but it's the one thing that pops up over and over again and I continue to learn more and more about myself each and every time.

So for the past few months, I have been almost afraid to sit down and write, the same time I write this blog, I am trying to finish up a book I have been working on for quite some time, and Alex keeps reminding me, "babe, why don't you go write today?" "I've got nothing to say" is my answer.  The truth is, I didn't feel authentic.  I want my words, my work to help others. I want to help other's see the values and the beauty within themselves, but I also want to be able to say I do the same.  So I haven't written because I have been having a hard time finding the value and the beauty within myself.  But I think that is what makes me authentic, and my words have meaning.  Buddha says suffering is part of life.  Bikram says his yoga is his torture chamber, in order to truly see ourselves and appreciate the goodness in our lives it is true that we do have to touch the pain.  So I've been working through it breathing through it.  In the most literal sense, I haven't been able to do Trikonasana for months, my hamstrings and hips have been hurting and I just couldn't get my hips low enough into the posture.  I couldn't let myself get hung up on it.  Every day I approached the posture with integrity and patience and yesterday, I let go just a little bit, let go of the pain, the fear and bam there it was Triangle.  In the more emotional sense.  I have been tough on myself, not wanting to accept that bodies change, people change, relationships change but life can grow out of them and it all becomes a journey towards finding that moment of calm.  Today, I did not wake up and say to myself "you are beautiful, you are perfect time to go write" I told myself to let go just a little bit.  Let go of the fear of becoming someone new.  Each day we change right? We can count on that! We can count our breath getting us through the change and then we can accept what is new.  Learning to love yourself means accepting that change is inevitable but we can grow with it, learn from it rather than resist it.  There is this little poster floating around face book right now it says "Bikram yoga is the first time you start loving yourself, because it's the first time you start seeing yourself"  There is so much truth in that.  For ninety minutes a day you are faced with the stillness of your mind.  Each posture has the power to open you up into seeing your capabilities, possibilities. Of course, for a long time, we see the flaws, but looking past that how can we grow stronger from them.  How do our flaws become our capabilities? By working through them, breathing through it, relaxing into it and letting go of the fear.

So today, my yoga is spending the day by myself, in my quiet little house, with my two dogs and my little white mac book.  Letting go of the fear that I will not be able to accomplish all of the things in my life that I want, but rather digging deep and finding the strength to take steps towards my goal.  In a Yoga class, we do not do yoga, there is no goal, it's just the journey.  Each day I am excited to go on my yoga journey, to see what my body is able to do, but the truth is,  the real yoga begins outside of the room. We learn how to breath while being stretched to our limits in the room, so that when in the real world, when we are being pulled up, down, left and right, with out a clear answer as where to really go, we know that we will make the best decision for ourselves at that moment, with no regrets or attachments, but rather excitement to see the capabilities of our bodies, minds and spirits.

Namaste...so much love to you all

Molly

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

A Word on Healthy living

I remember my Grandfather as a big Grandpa.  Everyone else had these little old men dressed in jogging suits and my Grandpa was big.  He was tall, like 6 foot 2 tall and farmer strong.  His shiny white hair was my hint that this tall man was a real live grandpa. Now he sit in his chair, so fragile and his eyes scream confusion and frustration as he looks at me unknowingly, "who is this young girl? why is she in my room?" I'm sure that this is what he's thinking before he gives up on trying to figure it out and falls back asleep.  I think that he is escaping, I think his Alzheimer's has him at a point where he knows he is confused and he knows he is weak and he is frustrated...so he sleeps, it is his way of avoiding the stress of being awake.

Seeing my Grandpa was hard this weekend.  It broke my heart to see him so sick and started me thinking about my own life and the way in which I live it now.

 Bikram taught us that stress is one of the number one killers in life, and I think that most of us spend our lives escaping and suppressing the anxiety producing stress which in the end creates sickness.  I think as a yoga teacher and future health coach, it is my responsibility to help people find healthy pathways in their lives to create healthy and happy lives for themselves.  So what are somethings that we can do to be  healthy and happy???  Good question.

1. Acceptance.  This is one thing I struggled with for a long time, and really still do.  For so many of us, we expect our bodies to look and feel a different way, but the truth of the matter is, our bodies, just like our fingerprints have a specificality to them.  No two bodies are the same and no two bodies are supposed to look the same.  A healthy body does not always mean you are the tallest, leanest, perfect hair, perfect breasted, tightest assed woman in the room. A healthy body is one that you take care of, one that can take walks, give hugs, pick up puppies and groceries, one that can love others, make babies, go to work and come home at the end of the day and cook dinner.  A healthy body is one that can run, jump, bike, do yoga and DANCE! One that can celebrate the accomplishments of it's self and it's loved ones, a healthy body FEELS GOOD!  So I think the first thing we have to do to be and stay healthy is accept our selves for who we are.

2. Appreciation.  With acceptance comes appreciation.  Once I was asked what I liked about my self, and truthfully I couldn't answer, so I was asked to appreciate my self.  Appreciate my legs because I can walk, run, jump, stand on one leg and touch my fore head to my knee.  So the bottom line here, is sometimes if it is hard to love everything about yourself, appreciate all that your body does for you.  With appreciation comes respect, and if you respect your body you will most likely treat it more kindly.

3. Food.  This is a tough one.  So after seeing my grandfather, I was able to spend time with my God mother.  I was so blessed to wake up early and find her lying on the couch with a book.  We spent some time talking before the rest of the house woke up, both of us have struggled with food for a good portion of our lives.  Different issues but the same none the less. Whether it was over eating or under eating, food, diet and weight control became a form of escape.  Leading us to question what it really means to have a healthy diet.  For me, I think diet is a very personal thing, and an impossible thing to just master without getting to know yourself first.  How do you know what you should put into your body, if you haven't taken the time to figure out what your body needs?  I do know a few things.  I know that to go on a diet is not the answer.  To establish a healthy eating life style just might be though.  Figure out the things you love to eat, figure out the things that are good for you that you love to eat, eat from the earth, the natural stuff is so much tastier than all the other junk, you just have to give it a chance, and know that there is always more tomorrow, so if the Rita's water ice tasted so good you need more, go for it...TOMORROW, don't over do it tonight.  I think learning about food and nutrition is important, and fun.  So experiment, learn something new and then make it for dinner, and be forgiving and allowing with your self.  There is no shame in loving food, it's a necessity in life, why not enjoy it!

4. Movement. The 89 year old man who sat at my table the other day, who ordered a full tea with a peach scone told me the key to looking "this good at 89"  "A body in motion will stay in motion" So whether it is running, biking, dancing, YOGAING, walking, weight lifting, playing soccer just get out there and MOVE!!!!!  Keep moving and don't give in to being too tired, no energy, too busy.  Just find some time to keep you body moving.  And of course.... a yoga plug.  Bikram yoga exercises every system, organ, muscle in your body it will heal your body mind and soul, so do more yoga!  And if your a runner, biker, soccer player, basketball player, weight lifter know that these activities are hard on your joints, so enjoy them into old age, but be sure to take a yoga class here and there to protect and heal your self.

5. Positivity.  And finally, this week when I thought about all the things I can do to ensure that I'm living both healthfully and happily was to see the good.  Yes, there is a lot of stuff out there that sucks.  Whole foods sold out, the unemployment rate is still so high, the republicans and the democrats hate each  other, and your room mate didn't do the dishes again! But we can not be consumed by it.  Awareness is important, but also knowing that what you do is making a positive impact on the world is important to.  So rather than focusing on the bad, why not focus on all of the good things you can do and see in other people.  I think in the end we will find if more people make a positive change in themselves, we will see that the rest of the world, probably isn't so bad!

So I come back to my Grandfather, sitting in his chair with his sweet nurse by his side.  He lived a full life with a beautiful wife and five successful daughters.  He has eight grand children, who are busy figuring it out, he has seen China, Russia, Israel, and can dock a boat and cook a steak.  My Grandfather can't remember any of it any more.  He sits in his chair sorting his mail and it brakes my heart as well as puts a little bit of fear in me.  When I am 86, I want to be at my granddaughter's wedding and I want to see my second oldest daughter achieve her dream of getting her PhD at 61, so with this in mind I want to spend my days today being healthy, being happy and helping others do the same.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Ok....the next three postures are all about your patience and concentration....

I say this every time I teach, as soon as Eagle is over and people put down their water bottles, I go into my little spiel.  "The next three postures are about your patience and concentrations...your patience with yourself and your body today and your concentration on your mantra..." Today...what is your mantra?  In class, I repeat the words of Bikram,"Lock the knee, Lock the knee LOCK YOUR GOD DAMN KNEE ( ok, I don't say the last part, but if I was the boss I would!)"  Any way, so outside the hot room, what's the word, what do I say to stay focused, concentrated, present?

This has been my challenge this week.  NEWS FLASH: sometimes, even Yogi's have bad weeks and SOMETIMES, even Yogi's have a hard time getting out of their own heads long enough to remember the mantra.  Sometimes, I lay on my back, stare into space and I want to say " breathing in I calm my self, breathing out I smile," but what comes up is; " what the *?@# are you doing? why did you go and ruin everything, your are so ridiculous to even think things would happen for you" WHOA...WHAT? WHO the heck is saying such a thing?  It's hard ya know I'm a work in process, we all are, so sometimes I slip up, and sometimes, I don't treat myself oh so very nice.   And truth be told, this week I've had a lot of time and a lot of arguments with myself.  The two sides of me fighting to find harmony. "Where does hate start? It starts in you....you heart hates your lungs, you mind hates your body and your soul has no interest in a bad body and a screw lose brain"  We have to get our three parts, mind body and soul working together, than and only than we can love others, which will in the end only help us to find happiness in our lives.

So what do we do? What do I do? Well I have to step back into myself and become really MINDFUL.  Why is my ass 5x bigger than it was yesterday and why is it hard for me to get words out, why does it feel like my skin is crawling? Oh...what's that feeling? What's that emotion? Cause news flash, second one today FAT is not a feeling, so we most be feeling something else (and I use "fat" because that is my challenge, you can fill in the blanks with your own)  So maybe I'm feeling ANGRY, can you believe it? Angry, me? Am I even suppose to feel that?  I have to, we all have to accept that an emotion is just energy, not good or bad but necessary to be dealt with.  So I'm angry this week, I still truly haven't figured out why.  Maybe it's frustration with my happenings, maybe it's jealousy, maybe it's....oh who knows, I'll have to figure it out later.  But if I can identify my emotion, accept it and then, guess what meditate on it, use the energy to kick my foot up over the top of my head and stretch forward towards the mirror until, maybe someday, I'll be in standing split.  My emotions and my fears are for real, so are yours but we can't let them define us.  We are not an ANGRY person, a sad person, a jolly person, we are all of these a complete and full person which is the most beautiful way to be. So I guess in the end, these emotions are a sign that we are normal human beings it is how we deal with them which makes us great.

So tonight, I'm trying I'm working on my self and meditating on what I want.  All in all, I want to be happy and I want to be healthy, and I have that, so I should be satisfied.  That is not to say I shouldn't dream.  I have large dreams.  My dreams are to bring this yoga to people who are in need in finding a path towards health, people in recovery from dangerous life styles, people who are seeking to learn about their bodies, how they work and what the run on in order to become stronger versions of themselves, and I get frustrated because I get overwhelmed.  How can I? Little me? Possibly have such a big dream and see it come to fruition? Alex tells me to be patient and stay concentrated, " visualize it Molly, See it!"  Oh man, I hope he's right!

So how do I sign off tonight? What note should I leave on? A high one? Why not?  So my friends, being happy is hard work.  Don't ever think, that one day you will wake up and life will be any easier....if it was easy it wouldn't be as good as it is, so wake up every morning and know that you are in control.  You have control over two things your breath and your reaction, so breath through it, stay calm, accept the moment and feel good.  Wake up every morning and appreciate at least five things in your life, appreciate at least five things about your self, and go with it!  Face each moment as it comes, don't get to far ahead of yourself, and embrace ALL your emotions.  Sometimes punching a pillow helps too!  I just do more yoga, sweat it out baby!


So good night all, much love to you all! Be patient with yourself, your perfect and your doing the best you can as long as you are doing the best you can, concentrate on the moment and the goal.  See it! Visualize it!

Namaste

Molly

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

A day in the life of a yogi teacher...a two part post!

Part One...Best Decision I ever made...A day in the life...

6:30 am...a rustle from the floor, and a whimper is my wake up call...time to walk the pups. This early hour may seem too early for some, but yogi's don't need sleep and the morning hours are my favorite, so I sneak out of bed pick up the pup, put my shoes on and go for my first morning stroll. 6:30 in the morning the house and the city are quiet, the sun is out in early July, and the heat is on. These are the hours where I sit with myself, quietly, I enjoy the stillness of my house while looking forward to see what today will bring...these days, I'm not sure what my days entail, so I trust that something great is bound to happen!

9:00 am, a pitter patter from the steps wakes me up from the couch...did I say yogis don't sleep...errr umm....sometimes, after a warm bowl of oatmeal a little nap feels good, just a little one...

So this is where no day remains the same, so I'm going to write about my favorite days as a yoga teacher since yoga training! These are the days where I go to work...did I mention that my work right now is doing yoga. My karma yoga is bring health and happiness to others and I do this by teaching others how to appreciate their bodies and all that they do for us as well as maintain a healthy life style. This job does not mean I just teach yoga, it means I do yoga. I have to make sure that I am practicing what I preach, continuing my practice of becoming a healthier, happier, better version of my self! (keep in mind, I'm making up times, I don't necessarily teach or practice at these times...but the bottom line is my favorite days are where I'm teaching two classes and taking one!)

11:00 am, walk down two blocks to pick up the trolley. One token takes me under the river to Center City where I will spend most of my day.

11:30 arrive at the studio, Bikram Yoga Philadelphia has a spirit. This studio has so much energy it thrives on a community of love and honesty and it makes you feel good just to sit on one of the big pillows in the lobby and talk yoga with one of it's very many students

12:00 "Hey Guys! How's it goin'? For those of you who don't know me yet, my name is Molly and I AM YOUR YOGA TEACHER!" flash forward 88 energetic minutes later..."Thank you so much for being here today, you guys worked so hard, you have inspired me to become a better student and a better teacher, now take two minutes to your self, enjoy this time, just breath, just relax and breath!"

3:30 by this time, I've had a snack, I've read dialogue, probably called Alex, went for a walk around the city and sat around the studio just chatting. The clock strikes 3:30 and I am in the center of my mat, concentrated, meditating. 89 minutes later I am in Savasana, breathing, I am here...I am comfortable...I am happy

BAM...5:30, I'm changed, third yoga kit for the day and I'm back on my feet in the hot room, teaching my second class. More energized, a little smarter and a little more warmed up. Man, I love this job!

After class, I hang around for a bit, chatting (seriously how much yoga can one talk...ummm a lot!) I throw in a load of towels, (yup that's right, all those sweaty towels, they don't scare me) and I head back to the trolley, on my way back West to my little home in West Philly!

I walk in the door and a healthy, balanced meal is cooking, it just needs some final Molly touches, some Thai Basil in the salad, a little cinnamon and cayenne on the Salmon and a little splash of love... it makes every meal better. I'm still running on high, so full of energy from my day in the hot room. Alex and I unwind together and it's not long before one of us mentions how grateful we are. Can you imagine? Two people working so hard to fulfill their dreams, going to work every day and THAT is one of the best parts of their days. Together they meet and talk about all the amazing things they are proud of accomplishing in one day and thank each other for supporting and loving one another. Think of it....

So, following my dream and beginning my new path was the best decision I have ever made. When I am focused on it I can see my future and it's fabulous...I just have to keep on working...

And then there's the flip side...the hard work, the work that sometimes doesn't feel all that great.

Making this decision meant I had to sacrifice a lot, I wrote about that a lot in my last entry. With all the amazing things that are happening also came a loss, a loss of comfort, security, organization, routine and of course with loss comes grief. So there are a lot of hours since I have been back that I've been sad, anxious, angry, wanting to cry wanting to punch. A lot of my old demons are creeping in and screaming loud to me. "Your not good enough, you'll never be able to do this." This makes me crazy! How can I heal others if I'm not feeling one hundred percent healed myself....oh that's right...

I think part of my process is discovering answers. My demons, my insecurities may never go away but now my work becomes identifying them, dealing with them and then sharing with others how to let go of them. What do you do when you feel like the fattest girl in the room? The ugliest girl in the room? That you are a failure, the worst, never just quite good enough? What do you do when you want to isolate, crawl in a room and hide from the outside world? What do you do when you want to retreat, return to an earlier, less healthy but "easier" life? hmmmm good question. This is my work right now. I'm teaching yoga, doing yoga, and when I'm not in the hot room it continues. My yoga practice, outside the hot room, becomes being present, appreciating all that I can do and all that I have. Seeing my emotions not as good or bad, but as what they are, waving to them, dealing with them and letting them pass by. My yoga practice becomes remembering that you can't hold on to anything, not your good days or your bad days but appreciate both and what you get from each. From all of my bad days I have become so strong, I have found myself as an individual worthy of love and happiness and I remain focused on that happiness, because MY GOD IT IS SOOOO WORTH IT!!!! Happiness is good don't be scared of it! Seek it, find it, embrace it and remember good days will follow bad. Life is a wave with ups and downs so lie down on your back, open your eyes, gaze at the clouds and let yourself be carried away!

Ok...so the two sides of my life right now as a yoga teacher, are the absolute joy I find in teaching and practicing yoga and the struggle I continue to have as I work towards my dreams. Both sides keep me going and both sides keep me strong....so for now, stay focused on what you want and be mindful of the way in which you live. Everything you do, say, work for, act on should all be done with love in your heart. Love for yourself, love for your friends and love for strangers, we're all just trying the best we can, doing what we know and if you disagree...teach you self, your friends and the strangers, we're all in this together! Yoga means union right!

ok, so it's almost 2:00 and my belly is craving some fruit salad before I hit the hot room. 4:30 teach a class 6:30 take a class!

Much love to you all
Namaste
Molly

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Week one---again!t

I know I know you all have been waiting for my weekly post, I'm sure Sunday night you all went to bed thinking, "YES! Tomorrow is Monday...Monday breakfast with Molly's blog!" but then Monday turned to Tuesday and still no post, maybe you all thought it was over, I was done, nothing left to say...but here it is, Wednesday night and I'm finally ready to write, I think maybe I might have a few words to share.

So I'm officially a Yoga teacher, I've taught five classes since landing back in Philadelphia, but the truth is I felt like a teacher as soon as I took my seat on my plane home. After rushing to the airport, talking the check-in attendant into allowing me on a earlier flight and silently battling the flight attendant for carry on, overhead space I calmly took my seat. Soon Jim sat next to me, Jim was a man with a warm smile, and a comforting laugh. He joked, " I guess I should have lost some weight before getting on this plane" No sooner than seat belts were buckled, we started chatting. I learned a lot about Jim, he was on a spiritual path, one where he had found peace and happiness while exploring yoga, healthy eating and happy living, I learned that Jim came from the inner city, was lucky enough to be an athlete with a likable personality which allowed him to balance good grades and good street cred. I learned that Jim had a girlfriend. Jim's girlfriend has Cancer and as Jim grieved this illness he lost site of himself, he gave up on his own body in order to exert all energy on her. "Jim," she said, " I'm going to survive this, make sure I have something to come home to" Jim was on a flight home to his lady, when he sate next to me, he was on a new spiritual journey, this time re-exploring yoga, healthy eating, spirituality and himself in order to make a life for himself and his love. Jim promised me that he would meet me again, and he would take a Bikram class, " I need to," he said as he pointed to his body, " I need to get this healthy so my spirit can live happily here" YEAH JIM!!!! We spoke for over two hours, I know more about him than most people, and as we spoke a sense of relief rushed through me. I did the right thing, going to teacher training was the first step in my OWN personal journey and Jim helped me understand that I am MEANT to do this. I am a teacher, be it English, Yoga, Nutrition, or happiness, I have an understanding that is meant to be shared. I just need to tap into that and this training helped me realize the first part of doing so. The body. Remember! Your body has to healthy so that your mind can make the right decisions so your spirit lives happily in it's temple for as long as YOU want!

Ok, so flash forward, I love the act of teaching yoga! It is so much fun! It is the best job in the world! I love knowing that what I am doing is helping people become better versions of themselves, I love that when I tell a group of 15 people that their leg is not high enough, to "exhale breathing come up one more time" guess what! They do!!!!! I have a lot to work on, rights' lefts, perfect dialogue, corrections blah blah blah, but Bikram says it takes 10 years to become a good teacher, for now I just want to be the best I can be and keep on getting better and better. Teaching and Practicing are very similar, just as much fun and work hand in hand at make you better at the other!

Besides teaching, life at home continues to be wonderful. It is weird, don't get me wrong it takes a moment to assimilate to re-enter the real world. I wake up and I don't HAVE to be anywhere in 15 minutes, my nights end at 11pm, I do errands by myself, people DON"T WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOGA!!!! When I walk in front of a door it doesn't open, when I stand up the toliet doesn't flush, when I put my hands under the faucet, the water doesn't turn on. I have to think and do for myself out side of the bubble...it's just plain strange!

So it took me a while to write this post, and I'm not really sure what to say in it. The first week back is a bit strange, teaching is exciting and home feels good, but I feel a little insecure. Trying to sort through what my next step is, trying to catch up on sleep, trying to figure out if what I have to say is actually worth saying. It took me a while to write this post because for a few days there, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't know if I'm exhausted, if I am just too excited or what but a huge part of me just keeps questioning myself, even thought I know I'm doing the right thing, and I'm so proud to be doing it. It might not seem like much, I teach yoga, but guys...I followed a dream. That's huge! It's also really scary, I'm venturing off the beaten path and there are thorns and sink holes everywhere. I just have to have faith, patience, determination, self-control and concentration and soon enough I will see the light. So I encourage everyone to pave their own path, be smart, but do what makes you happy. Bad days happen, but an underlining sense that life is good makes everything worth it. Enjoy this life Enjoy Enjoy Enjoy. So that being said...I'm off to take a shower, with some good smelling soaps, walk my pups, make some tea and crash on the couch with a good movie. In a few hours Alex will be home to tuck me in to bed for the night....good night good night good night! See you next week! And if your in the area check out some of my classes!


Much Love to you
Namaste
Molly

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Week 9-- better late than never


Right now I'm sitting on my couch, it's 7:00 am (I've been up for about two hours, while the rest of my house sleeps). I do of course have the company of my youngest pup, who sits at my feet chewing on what ever toy she can get her paws on. I've been home for two days and it's like I never left, it has been 9 weeks since I have woken up, moved to the couch and watched mindless TV until normal waking hours, but here I am.

About a year and a half ago...well wait let me start from the beginning. Three years ago, I was sick, not the happiest chick in the world and pretty lost in the world. I was determined to find happiness and define for myself what it meant to have a full life. I worked really hard to try to find who I was and appreciate that person, I found Bikram Yoga. My first class I was high, I had never felt so good, a few classes later, my teacher Leo spoke gently during camel pose "Meditate on something you love and push your hips forward and lift your chest up, concentrate on that thing...I choose ice cream what do you choose" I choose myself. As I fought through the dizzy "oh my god I'm going to throw up" my mantra was " I love that my body can do this, I love that my body can do this" I knew at that moment that I needed this yoga to become a healthy version of myself. Bikram yoga helped me find perfection in the human body and appreciation for myself, I knew that at some point I would become a teacher...one day I will write a book and you will all be able to read more about that journey, but for now, this blog is about my teacher training journey.

So flash forward, 2 and a half years later, one and a half years ago. I had just finished a class at Bikram Yoga Main Line. As I chatted outside the ladies changing room about "some day I will go to training" a tall handsome guy approached me "Your going to teacher training" he had the most amazing speaking voice I had ever heard, "Oh man, I would love to but I doubt I'll ever make it" I had no idea where my life was going.

Today, it's now 7:11 am, and I'm lying on the couch of the house that I own, with the man that I love, the same handsome man that approached me at the studio, sleeping upstairs and the only reason I'm awake is I have just returned home from 9 weeks inside of Bikram's yoga bubble, where 2-3 hours of sleep is all that I needed. Since 6 am, I have e-mailed and scheduled classes for the next 2 months, I have worked on a welcome home yogi party, and now I'm writing my blog, it's true. A yogi works while the rest of the world sleeps!

And, what can I tell you about being home? Am I different? Is life different? Do I miss training? What will I do next? It's hard to say. Home is perfection, I'm so blessed to have the life that I get to come home to. I worked hard for this life, I appreciate it every day and I'm very happy to be here. I do feel a little different. I feel like I can handle it. Throw some thing at me and I'll figure out a way of working it out. It's kinda like in posture clinics, when Mishon would start challenging us by throwing spit balls and water bottles and farm animal noises at us as we struggled to remember dialogue. The only things constant in life are breath and change, so when life takes a surprising turn, the only thing you can count on is breath. What was that thing, I am here, I am breathing, I am comfortable, I am happy ( my new mantra). I feel a weight has lifted off of me after the past nine weeks. I am floating, levitating, shit....I'm just plain happy! And of course I miss training, I was surrounded by 430 amazing people at any given time, my biggest decision of the day was which yoga kit to wear and I was taking yoga classes in the worlds largest hot room! To be honest though, as much as I miss it, 9 weeks was enough and I'm happy to take yoga in my home studio where I am surrounded by all the love and support of the teachers who inspired me. Oh, and jeez, what will I do next...walk the dog, she's scratching at the door, take a yoga class, teach a yoga class and take every moment as it comes. I have unlimited opportunities and I plan to take advantage of each and every one of them! But I do have dreams, and I hope that as I keep realizing them, I will write about them and you will all read about them. I hope that I inspire people to take life into their own hands and create their own paths for health and happiness, to bond their mind body and soul in holy matrimony. Who knows? Now I'm getting all mushy...blah blah blah. Keep reading, we will find out together!

So the bottom line... I am unbelievably proud of myself and every other yogi who just graduated from Teacher Training. I am so excited to read all about our first classes, and I'm a mixture of nerves and excitement as I prepare my self to teach my first class. So thank you Bikram for being my teacher, thanks to your support team who made this training an amazing experience, thank you my friends and family for all of your support, with out you I would not have had the courage to take such a risk, Thank you Alex for taking care of me, our home and our pup, while I ventured to California and thank you to all of my fellow yogis, senior teachers, new teachers and future teachers. What an amazing community we are all apart of. And what was that song I sang in a previous blog, the same song that was stuck in my head weeks after meeting Alex," Thank you lord, for what you done for me....thank you lord for what you're doing now...thank you lord for every little thing....thank you Lord for you make me sing..."

Some of you may be asking...what about week 9, where's the dirt? What was it like....well send me a message, write me an e-mail, give me a call...but for now I'd like to hold on to it. Week nine was ummm....well....week nine! We slept for a total of 7 hour, we practiced with over 600 people, we were inspired by champion yogis, we laughed, we cried, we said our good byes, we celebrated, we took voluntary yoga classes, we got angry, we got excited, we learned we challenged and we GRADUATED!!!! Whooo hoooo!

So that's it guys....my Teacher training journey is done, but my life journey is not. I'll keep blogging, I like it and if you do keep reading, it'll be fun!

Much love to you all!

Namaste
Molly

P.S. No matter what Boss says...the best food is home cooked food!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Week 8--belly full of pita, yogurt and LOVE for you all! (thanks Mimi for a great title!)

Week 8! Can you believe it? Just think of it! Eight weeks ago I was crawling into bed to take my very first yoga class at teacher training which would kill me and make me question if I would ever make it through nine weeks in the hottest ballroom in the world. Tonight, I'm in bed, belly full, a little wired, and a lotta happy getting ready to take my very last Monday morning yoga class. I remember the first class, the heat hit me like a wall, the mirrors were fogged from the haze of 130 degrees 40 percent humidity and 430 yogis, Bikram's energy charged through me and I sat in envy of the two air conditioned blowers that blew down to cool him as he yelled to us "Push, push push...push more push harder..." Tonight, I have no anxiety for my next yoga class. Two a day on 3-5 hours of sleep has become my reality and I look forward to sweating and stretching 8 more times with my 430 new friends from 38 countries around the world.

So this week my sister wrote me a nice, long e-mail. In our crazy, life changing lives with nine hours time difference between us it is hard for us to catch up and really get a gist of what is going on in each other's lives, so her e-mail was refreshing. It asked me to reflect on my expierence, the things that I have learned from being here, about my self, not about yoga, and the three things I plan to do as soon as I get home. So that is what I want to share with you this week, I'll tell you some highlights and lowlights in a bit, but first I want to get into the deep 'ish, because to understand how amazing week 8 is, you have to understand that this week I truly appreciated this journey "inside out, bones to skin, finger tip to toes" I'm going to share you the edited version of what I wrote to my sis, some of it is for her eyes only...that's what makes having a sister so special, sister secrets (don't worry mom, she usually tells you anyway...and Alex I always tell you!)

So wow, this expierence. Well, first of all I am so proud of my self for doing it, It took a lot of courage to give up a very " comfortable" life aka income to do something that I knew would point me in a direction towards my dreams. It has been amazingly hard. The truth is, surprisingly my issues and my sick voice was louder than ever here. So what does that mean? Every day I struggle, there is not a single day in my life that is easy for me to be free of the things I fight against, but I love my life so much now, so at home it is really easy to say to myself why the hell would I ever give this life up to go back to living the way I did, so shut up ugly voice, I'm gonna go cuddle with my boyfriend. So the first few weeks here, it was really hard. I was constantly beating my self up and judging. Luckily we have no time, so I didn't have to much time to get upset, i just kept pushing. I had amazing moments of self realization and happiness and at times I cried out of complete joy and pride. Because I know that I have worked so hard to be here and I am so proud of myself for becoming such a strong person and I truly believe that I'm in the process of creating the life that I want to have and how can I not be happy and really, when I stop comparing myself to others and who I think I "should be", I really do think I'm a pretty cool person. I feel like i have a gift and this is the first step to teach me how to share that gift So what am I taking away, well 1. self appreciation, 2. so much knowledge about the importance of keeping your body healthy so that you are keeping your mind and your spirit happy, it's an understanding that your body is a temple that holds your spirit, so take care of it, keep it clean and strong, because you want your spirit to want to live inside of this body for a long long time. 3. I made amazing friends and I found out even more the kind of people I like to surround my self around. 4 I found out I love to write, I love my blog, and it inspires me to home and write my book! 4. I have a deeper understanding of what I want to do with my future (i.e. which nutrition program I'm going to do and what I want to do with it) 5. there is so much really, but of course I seriously appreciate my life at home, I love our family I love Alex, and my house and philadelphia and I can't wait to bring all of this new awareness back there with me!

That's a little bit of what I took from this expierence I guess, I feel like there is so much and I can't wait to answer that question again in a few months after I have some time to reflect on it a little bit more.

And OH MY GOD I can't wait to go home! I can't wait for a proper date with Alex and serious cuddle time on the couch! I teach on Wednesday 2 classses! I'm so excited! Top three things to do! 1. Cuddle time (lots of it) 2. sleep and then wake up and move to the couch to sleep some more 3. Eat good meals, meals I cooked in a Kitchen!!!!! and of course go to Vietnam Cafe (our fav)

What I wrote to my sister was the truth. I struggled for a really long time and my struggle found me strength and here and now that I'm ending my time inside this bubble, I have found appreciation for myself, my life and my dreams. I am so very excited to see what tomorrow brings, because I know I have survived a lot and life can throw a lot at me, and although it may not be easy and days may be hard, I'll be ok, I'll be more than ok...

Ok ok...enough already, you guys are probably sick of my rambling and want to hear some of the fun stuff about week 8, so here is a quick run down. You can decide for yourselves if they were high points or low...

1. Joel taught! F"in A I do Bikram yoga!
2. Yogurtland and Pink berry....rita's you have competition
3. Santa Monica with Thayne and Malea...LA fashion is DANGEROUSLY ADORABLE!
4. A blood blister on my TOUNGE!!! WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!!!! (not normal...but don't worry, it only lasted a few hours and it's completely gone)
5. Crying crying crying
6. Sweating sweating sweating
7. Saturday night out on the town, Sushi and a movie....Hang Over II almost as funny as the first
8. Group three dinner....Magically yummy with 20 amazing people from all walks of life
9. Mahabharata...beginning at 1:00 am
10. Girls night in...

Ummm...I think 10 is enough for you....the more you read, the more you will get....we have one more week together so stay tuned...Week nine's bound to be a good one!


So much love to you all...

Namaste
Molly





Sunday, June 5, 2011

Week Seven---Did someone turn on the heat????

Let's talk about the heat. So a lot of times, I tell people, " I do Bikram yoga?" and they respond, "Oh yea, I do yoga too...what's Bikram?" I start my little shpeel, and when I get to the part about, 105 degrees, they always respond the same way. "Why does it have to be so hot, isn't that dangerous?"

Well, guys no, it's not dangerous, and 105 is just a number, a Bikram Yoga room is hot and humid and it's soooo good for you. You learn to love the heat, you get addicted to the heat and you dread the cold. There is nothing like warming up in the hot room on a cold Philadelphia day or walking out of the hot room in California and jumping right into a crisp pool. The heat has so many benefits, go take a class and then come see me! I'll tell you about all the wonderful things you just did for your self, and who knows maybe you'll turn around and do a double.

But any way, yoga's good for you, we all know that. This blog isn't about that. I could go on and on. This blog is about Bikram Yoga Teacher Training, and let me tell you, this is not a typical yoga class. Teacher training is, to put it mildly, INTENSE!

This week the 430 yogis who practice regularly in the hot room welcomed another 130 already certified teachers to join us on the line. 2 of which, Kristin and Fiona, flew in from Berwyn Pa, with care packages and hugs for the Philadelphia/mainline ladies, it's so good to have home in California, it makes the days so much brighter! With open arms and hearts we moved our mats closer to one another and began Pranayama (good for the lungs and respiratory system). The hum of 600 (give or take) yogis was mind blowing. As we expanded our chest and rib cage filled up our lungs the sweat began to pour. By the second set of Awkward pose (gives you a great ass pose) we knew we were in for it. The ball room where once people joined hand in hand in holy matrimony, was now a hostile marriage of mind and body. Our minds screamed "Get out Get out, it's way to hot in here" as our bodies fought through "make it through this posture, you'll be ok, remember Dr. P, you have all the O2 you will ever need," I don't know if any one will ever understand how hot it was in there, but let me try to explain to you...These things were witnessed and not as "weird" as you make think.

THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED...

Visualize it....hot room , 600 people, who knows what temp, who knows what percentage humidity, lone ice cube on the carpet, empty water bottle. The man looked deep into his water bottle, tried to suck out one last drop, but to his dismay dry as the Sahara. His hand ventured off the mat, onto the carpet, picked up the ice cube AND ATE IT!!!!!

Imagine how this man must have felt. After 2 hours and 30 minutes. It's line number 6, in the middle of the hot room. His mat is drenched, my chihuahua could take a dip in his puddles. He turns to the sweaty girl next to me and says, " I'm so glad that is over, I was moments away from licking my foot" You know it's hot when your foot looks thirst quenching!

As I walked out of of the hot room after 2 and a half hours, amazingly I still had an entire bottle of water. A loyal member of group 8 turned to me with desperate eyes, " Do .... you.... have....eh eh eh....waaaatttteeeerrrrr?" I couldn't talk I had to get out but I tried my best to smile as I handed her 1.5 liters of a smart water. I'm not positive but I'm pretty sure I saw tears of joy in here eyes, it's the small things that make us happy here.

I could go on but the bottom line is this. This week, week seven yoga was hard. The average class was two hours, taught be senior teachers who knew how to hold postures, push us to our maximums and kill us so that we could wake up the next day a better and stronger person. I won't lie to you, there were moments when I thought I would die, that I couldn't go on. I hyperventilated, I cried, but you know what? I survived and I turned around and took t all 11 classes, and tried my best to hold all 286 postures and at the end of the week, Sunday night, I am itching for another class! I can't wait to get back in the room.

But Mom, Dad, those of you who worry about me, don't worry, no "danger danger" I'm having an amazing time, loving every moment and in reflection even the moments I'm hating are pretty spectacular, and it's not all work either. There is time for play.

So real quick, before I say good night, let me tell you about Manhattan beach. Today Kelly and I woke up with a terrible itch. An itch that can only be scratched by one thing...SHOPPING, so we declared it roomie bonding day and jumped on the Trolley down to Manhattan beach. We bounced in and out of boutique after boutique falling in love with almost every thing we tried on. It was a yoga free day, almost no studying ( I may regret this in the morning) and we had a blast, got to know each other a little better, got a shopping high, which isn't so different from a yoga high and are now both coming down hard as we settle into our designated sleep number beds.

There was more to this week, but this was just a taste, some of the special stuff I'll save for my self, for phone calls and for stories for home. So good night all, I'm off to bed! I have yoga in the morning! Week 8!


Namaste

Much love to you all

Molly

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Week 6--- sleep, the good stuff

So I knew it was coming, I anticipated it for a long time, I stressed, I got excited, I got nervous, I got excited and then it came...but I'll talk about that later...

Real quick, I'll run down some high lights of week six INSIDE the bubble. Week six was a tough one, ya kow, 11 yoga classes in 6 days, little bits of sleep, lots of bits of studying and this week we had double posture clinics, which meant the pressure just seemed to be on, you could tell, people weren't quite as 'friendly' as they were on weeks 1-5 and everyone just kind of seemed to be in their own worlds mumbling to them selves "flex your left foot, forehead on knee, maximum pressure, you can mess with the Gods..." Bikram's dialogue,the prescription for teaching this yoga was the ONLY thing on everyones minds, but then some magical things happened this week that brought the fun back to YOGA.
Posture clinics, although more intense, they also were focused on bringing out each individuals personalities into teaching. We saw people dancing, people imitating Texans, Elaine from Sienfield, Screaming, doing jumping jacks and "throwing 'ish down" as they had to deliver cobra pose as a Gangsta...yup that's me, the Gangsta of Bikram yoga, don't mess with me in the hot room, just lock your knee! But still, study study study, we all had that exhausted look you get the day before a final exam, all five days this week.

But then Leo came, he showed up from Philadelphia, and he brought home to us. Leo was Leo in LA, same ole guy, and he even got to teach a class! It was amazing, it was exactly what we needed on the Friday of Week Six, we needed a lot a love and Leo brought it! If you don't know who the heck I'm talking about check out bikramphiladelphia.com and bikramyogamainline.com for schedules and go take one of his classes! It will make you want to come back for more, and it's really the only way you can really understand happiness inside a room that is 105 minimum degrees!

Friday night also brought a lot of goodness in an otherwise tense week. I'm not going to go to much into detail, because I hope that some of you reading have just decided to take the plunge into TT and are doing what I did, which was read and read and read all the blogs out there about Bikram Yoga Teacher training, but I will tell you, that one night in week six, most likely a Friday night, the Bikram teachers will announce that it's Fashion week and they will commence it with a 'party' in the hot room.

After a much welcomed class taught by Bikram's assistant Judes, who rocked our worlds and followed up Leo's morning class beautifully, I was in a mad dash to catch the Red Eye back to Philadelphia. My one and only sister's wedding shower was Saturday and I, being the MOH, was on my way! The shower was a complete success and I was so happy to be part of the celebration of my sister. She found the man of her dreams, he found his woman and now we get to watch as they journey into husband and wife. Besides the shower I got to do three other things that brought me bliss. 1. Dive into a cuddle puddle of small dogs 2. talk to, hug, snuggle and enjoy my Alex, who is SO much better live than via skype! and 3. SLEEP...can I tell you about sleep, holy moley it was a glorious, deep, drouling, snoring, wake up not knowing which way is up kinda sleep that I kept falling into. I slept on the plane and dreamt about teaching Yoga, I slept in my bed and dreamt about the days I get to sleep there again, night after night after night, I slept on my couch with the hum of TV and dogs playing and Alex sipping coffee and I fell in love with being home, and then...I fell asleep on the plane back to LA. I was out before the plane even took off. I didn't have time to be super sad about leaving home, I was to busy catching my zzzzz's.

Now that I'm back, I'm sad and happy at the same time, sad to be missing home, happy to be back with my new 430 yogi friends, excited to see who is teaching this week and what surprises they have in store for us, and tired, so tired that I cant write any more...So peace and love, I'm outta here! See you next Sunday!

So much love to you all...

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Week Five--oh there it is..

Oh hey homesickness, I was wondering when you were coming. Thanks for finally showing up.

So week five...bam half way there baby! Week five started off so high, I thought last Monday was the best yoga ever, that was until this Monday popped up and blew my mind. Martha Wright started off the week with best yoga class of my entire life, I literally cried out of pure joy. Her class was so much fun, she sang, we sang, she told jokes we laughed and I swear to God (or who ever) my standing bow, my floor bow, my back bends EVERY posture was the best posture I have ever done. And then she topped it off, at the end of class she played one of my all time favorites Bob Dylan's "Forever Young" and I immediately relived the past 3 years of my life and I cried. I was so happy laying there in Savasana thinking about where I have come from, all that I have gone through and what I have accomplished with pure patience, faith, determination, self control and concentration. I thought about my mom, my dad, my sister, Alex, my house, my puppies, my self and I felt a swell of gratefulness for all that I have. Oh and then Bikram kicked our asses Monday night. But this week I'm not going to tell you about all of the great yoga I did. I think you get it, I do a lot of yoga, I study a lot blah blah blah. This week I'm gonna get real witchya, down and dirty real.

This week I was homesick. It hit me like a ton of bricks, Tuesday morning came and I was so sad. I was frustrated, I was over it, I was beating myself up and I wanted to be home in the arms of the my guy. I wanted to go to my moms and tell her how sad I was and I wanted to hang out with my sister and completely forget about myself, maybe get lost planning her wedding, or just some good ole' online shopping and memory lane skipping. But alas, I couldn't so I kept telling myself it would get better, I would wake up happier. And don't get me wrong, I had a good week. I had fun, I laughed, and studied, I did well, I worked hard, but the moment I let my mind take over I was back where I started, beating myself up, letting my insecurities take over and wanting to just give in and cry cry cry. I never really did it, I distracted my self and focused on the present moment...guys this stuff works! I said it last week, but if you live in the moment and tell your self, I am here, I am comfortable, I am breathing I am happy you will be, and I was. It's the best way to get through tough days and tough weeks. Don't avoid life, that doesn't help either, but turning it around. "Ok, I'm having a sad day, I'm having a bad day, ok, no biggie in the big picture, I have more good days than bad and I live a life that makes me happy, AND I'm doing something that will make my life and other peoples lives better...I can get through this" Turning it around worked, it took me all week, and I'm not gonna lie, it's Sunday and I'm still a bit homesick but I'm excited for tomorrow to start, I'm ready for week six and I'm gonna kick some yoga ass for the next 11 classes. And then! I get to go home, yes it's only for 24 hours, but I get to cuddle, laugh, and celebrate with the people I love the most, so week six is going to be a good week!

So here's to a good week, it's not to bad to be homesick, it's good news. It means there is a home somewhere else that I am happily returning to in 4 more weeks!

So I'm out peeps....Much love to you all! Sis, Alex, Mom Dad See you SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (oh and sista, don't you worry, your gonna have a pretty amazing day! I am pretty sure of that one!)


Namaste

Molly

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Week four--- I'm full!

So 11:21 pm Sunday night and my brain is officially full, there is no more room in there I swear. I was born with a specific amount of brain cells, and I'm pretty sure 99.5% of them are occupied with a bit of knowledge, which only is leaving me with a bit left to write this post. So if week four is sparse, I apologize. Just wait...if you are ever thinking of making you way out here, you will see, or for those of you who have paved the way before me, you know.
Highlights of week four:
Best Yoga Yet--the room was H--O--T, and the teachers were amazing. I won't go into to much detail, but I will tell you that week four started off with a bang when John Salvatorie stepped onto the podium and not only cooked us until we were done, but he made us enjoy every second of it. THANK YOU JOHN! I want to take your class every day for the rest of my life AAAAMMMAAAZZZING. But it didn't end there, I mean it would be pretty disappointing if the week climaxed on Monday at 8:00 am. So more great yoga: Wednesday night, Rajashree killed us gently, Thursday brought us Bikram and man there was nothing gentle about that, and Friday brought us pure perfection. Ida from Canada in the morning, brought us great energy and perfect dialogue, and Juan a special surprise in the evening brought me back to life after feeling kinda sickly. I love Juan's class, his first breathing is perfection and he maintains a fun, funny, fast and fierce class for 90 precise minutes!

Saturday night-- Friday afternoon I fell asleep in lecture. This isn't strange for me anymore, I fall asleep everywhere. If you give me thirty seconds, I WILL take advantage of it by catching up on some zzzz's so, during Dr. P's anatomy lesson, I dozed, I didn't mean to, I love his lectures they are funny, and truth be told I'm a nerd and I like to learn about the human body BUT there was a lull and I fell asleep, I woke up from my cat nap SICK! No, this isn't the highlight, but my sickness led me to feeling pretty miserable Friday night and Saturday afternoon, so I was forced to take it easy. I said no to studying dialogue, no to studying anatomy, and no to a night out on the town. But I did say yes to one thing, a date with my bed and the TV. I haven't watched TV since I have been here, I haven't even really wanted to but Saturday night, I crawled into bed around 8 and watched bits and pieces of of "The Bucket List" and "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and I think maybe one more, but I can't remember. Can I tell you? Man did it feel good to totally veg out, to give my mind and my body a break, to not think, not do, just BE! Mmmmm....makes me want to go to bed right now! Good thing after this post, it's the only thing left for me to do tonight!

And the last and final highlight: SUNDAY: Sunday was a perfect day in the yoga bubble. I woke up feeling better and pretty well rested, I packed up my study materials and headed to the pool. I spent ALLLLLLLL day out in the California sunshine studying dialogue with friends and strangers, chatting with MARTINA ( a teacher from Philly, now living in San Diego) who came to visit for a few hours, and soaking in sunshine. I was able to learn 3 postures, study all 5 systems of the human body and still get a bit of gossiping and giggling in, and ummm I worked on my golden sheen too....I'm still pretty pale though, after learning anatomy for two weeks, I don't want to do ANYTHING that might hurt this body of mine, it's working pretty hard for me, so I need to work pretty hard for it too! Return the favor right? But the BEST part of Sunday was my last chat session with Alex. It was like I was home, sitting right next to him as we were both brought to tears with laughter. I was locked out of my room and sitting in the hallway as I didn't even try to hide my snorts, tears and squeals as I laughed and laughed as only he and I do. I don't even know what it was, or how it got started, but laughing until it hurts is the absolute best way to end a weekend. Thanks babe! Even from thousands of miles away, you still seem to be the highlight of my days!

I was going to tell you some of the not so highlights, but because I want to focus on the positive I will only briefly mention some of the few. But remember it takes 43 muscles to frown and only 3 to smile and with all this yoga, I need to conserve my energy...I choose SMILE!

--late nights in hard chairs equal exhaustion
-- exhaustion = missing home
-- having a cold= missing home
ummmm....that's it...not to bad!

Well folks, I gotta get to bed. Tomorrow starts week five and I hear it's a dusey ( I have no idea how to spell that) not to mention, tonight is probably my last chance for 5 hours of sleep until next Saturday! Ahhhhh focus on the presents people, if you worry about what's coming later or what happened earlier you will only create anxiety and fear. Instead, live in the now, I am here, I am comfortable, I am breathing, I am happy! Say it with me now.... or don't, just think about it....Good night. So much love to you all!

Namaste

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Week three--study study study

1/3 rd DONE!!!!!!! Time really does fly when you are having...fun???? Week three and we are in it, there is no turning back, no getting out, no running and hiding under the bed, I'm not sure if I would want to go under there anyway.

So week three was FAST, I woke up on Monday and before I knew it it was Friday and I only had three more classes to go. This week we got a taste of what life in the yoga bubble was really like. It's all about managing time, finding joy in simplicity and study study study, deliver deliver deliver. Each day we had two yoga classes, of course, an anatomy lecture and a posture clinic. The amount that our bodies are absorbing and digesting every day is amazing. Our muscles, including that big one on top of our necks, are working so incredibly hard. Two yoga classes a day, memorizing and input of all of the systems of the body needless to say our bodies and minds are both tired and energized, sore and strengthened, re-aligning and re-configuring. I don't want to bore you with too much yoga talk. All I can say is this is an experience, I want to enjoy and celebrate each moment here, but I also want to store and remember it forever. I figured this week I would give you a little bit of the daily run down, the emotional roller coaster that we call a week!

Monday-- Ahhhh Monday, it's been almost 30 hour since I've entered the hot room and I'm ready for it...bring it on baby I got enough in me for at least 11 yoga classes this week!

Of course, this past Monday was a special one, Alex was here, he practiced with me, I was able to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with him and he brought the feeling of home with him to sunny Cali, but Monday was his last day here, so although I wanted to enjoy every second of him, I couldn't help but be a bit bitter knowing that when I came out of my late night lecture, he would be aboard a flight to Philadelphia and room 922 would just be a little less like home...what do we say, "Home is where you are?" :)

Back to the week...

Tuesday: Oh snap...I have to memorize how many postures this week? And you want posture clinic to start what time? One hour earlier? Errr...Ummmm....I think I'm just going to take this yoga class and deal with the stress of yoga life later. Sounds strange right, stress inside the bubble....relief to the stress: living in the moment, coming to the full expression of the asana and holding it in stillness. You can't worry about later, falling or how you did yesterday. Yoga is now. So Tuesday.... ' Don't worry...bout a thing... cause every little thing's gonna be all right..'

Wednesday: Wednesday ALREADY!!!!! Yes! This is the best news, we are half way through the week!!!! Wednesday I wake up happy, and then I take a class...whoa momma, did someone turn the heat on in here? Am I supposed to be sweating this much? Did I sign up for this? Yes, yes, yes and YES!!!! Mid week and every body steps up their game, classes get harder, bodies get sorer and oh, wait, I haven't seen the sun yet this week. Wednesday I remember there is life out side the bubble and I have to get a taste of that sweet sweet California sunshine

Thursday: Oh Thursday how I dislike you, I mean really, you are the hardest day of the week. Probably because your not Friday. But for some reason, each week I think to myself, this is it almost there, I've almost made and then you kill me. You hurt me, you make me tired, but of course I survive you and so I love you. The only way to cure the pain is to feel the pain, so thank you Thursday I FEEL YOU!!!!

Friday: ' I got love darlin' love sweet love darlin'" Friday's are amazing. The mood is so high, the yoga is fabulous and I feel on top of the world! I am on top of the world. At this point of the week I have done 10 yoga classes, met at least 20 new people and found out one thing new about myself. Friday's help me remember how proud I am of myself, and every other person in the world who take leaps of faith in doing something they believe in.

And Saturday--Sunday---weekend LOVE! This is the time we feel the effects of the yoga, we are kind to one another, we sit in hotel rooms and celebrate strangers ( my birthday this weekend) we make yummy healthy meals in hotel bathrooms and share stories and experiences. This is the time when we get to know one another. Weekends are the times when roommates go on adventures and laugh uncontrollably while studying anatomy or stumbling out of the best massages of our lives like we are half drunk. We nap, we sunbathe, we feel all the good effects of working so hard and we wonder how we will ever go back to practicing one time a day....oh wait, I know how.

I'll be home enjoying everything else that is Yoga. The yoga that is cuddling on the couch, walking my puppies, coffee in clark park, Vietnam Cafe, making Kimchi and Tom Yum and sharing it with my man at a DINNER TABLE! The yoga that is cleaning the baseboards and making the bed, sitting across the counter from my mother as she cleans and cleans and cleans out the streaks at the bottom of the sink while planning wedding showers. The yoga that is skype dates with my sister, and Monday checkin's with Amy. I think that I will manage just fine when I get home...in fact I know I will, I will manage even better after doing 9 weeks of Yoga Living!

So what's in store for this week...I turn 27 in the hot room. I take a test, I recite dialogue, I study, I stay up late, I do yoga, I drink lots of water, and I eat and all the rest that happens in between....

See you next week...Namaste


Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Week Two---the honey moon is over

So I think of my days here, or weeks here as one long continuous day with a few naps here and there. Week two was hard, physically, but also really quite amazing. I already know that I can never imagine really doing less yoga than I am doing right now. It feels so good! Just don't ask me about yoga on a thursday morning, when I still have 5 more classes to take before the weekend, because as good as I may feel, the long continuous day gets tiring annnnd it hurts a little.

I figured this week I would give you a bit more insight of what a day in my life looks like and also tell you a bit about the special visit I got this week too!!!!!! Monday morning my alarm goes off, 6:45, I eat a hearty meal, and drink lots of water and top it off with a dose of electrolytes, I then spend a fair amount of time, getting ice, studying, picking out cute yoga clothes and trying to write an e-mail or do something that prepares me to enter the real world again in 7 weeks! At 7:50 I head to the 2nd floor of the Radisson, where the yogi's have taken over. I spend the next two hours yogaing, morning classes are a great wake up call and I learned last night, a great way to warm up synovial fluid in your joints aka MORE FLEXIBILITY!!!! Then it's hydration time, me and 430 other yogis cram the elevators, sweaty and half naked. In my room, I shower, make lunch and study again, before posture clinic. I prepare myself for 6 hours of rehearsing, learning, and stretching in lecture, dialogue clinics and another yoga class. The 5:00 yoga class is my favorite, after sitting in lecture for a while, it feels so good to get warmed up.....thank you hot yoga for turning synovial fluid from honey to water two times a day!!! (that's a good thing if you were wondering) I am learning Anatomy here too!!! Then dinner time, stuff my face time, get it all in because who knows what time I'll hit the bed. Night time lectures are a bit of a mystery, so we prepare our selves for long nights of yoga talk, anatomy talk, and bollywood movies. Lots of water bottles to pack, we have the fear of dehydration instilled in us, you know who the yogi is by the gigantic bottle of water they are toting around EVERYWHERE they go. "let's run to the bathroom," "Ok, let me just fill up my water bottle quick" And then after a full day of yoga, lecture, yoga lecture, it's a meeting with my bed. Just a quick meeting, maybe 3 hours, maybe 5 before it all starts again. The continuous day doesn't end until Saturday at 10, and oh my god does 10:15 Saturday morning feel good!

I know, I know, I promised to write about the surprise visit I had this weekend, but I'm out of time...yoga is calling my name! So I'll just give you a hint, he's my favorite person, I met him in the hot room and he came to spend 3 days taking care of his girl! Thank you Alex (oops, I let it slip) for coming out and making this weekend so special. Loveeeeee you!

Much love to you all, see you next week!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Week One---Check

Oh man, where to begin. I am lying in room 922, in a sleep number bed at 11:00 pm California time, this is the final hour of week one, and can I tell you, I am ready for week two! This week was complete, I died, I survived, I ate a LOT, I drank A LOT...of water that is, H20 is all that this chick is getting in these days, I cried and I laughed so hard I snorted. I met new people, heard the same dialogue in at least 10 languages, I found peace in moments of stillness randomly and spontaneously, and I missed the comfort of being myself at home.
So what can I tell you about the first week at Bikram Yoga Teacher Training. It is amazing, the most amazing experience of my life. I think this is mostly, because each day at different moments of class the same thought drifts into my mind. "Wow! I am here, I did this! I am so proud of who I am and what I have been able to do for myself!" This thought, this cloud passing quickly on windy day, keeps me strong and allows me to see myself 9 weeks from now, 9 months from now, 9 years from now. I know that I have taken a step into the unknown to better my life, and because I have done it with love in my heart that I am sure to continue on the happy path I have been following for the past 2 years!
Day's here drift into night, which drift into tomorrow's which end with a final savanasana. Class is hard, but it is powerful and I feel strong, meeting new people is hard and I feel like I am in college again, but wow! so many amazing personalities and pieces of knowledge are filling floors 7, 8 and 9 of the Radisson Hotel LAX. I feel so lucky to be here, that is really the gist of what I can tell you about week one. I feel happy and I feel lucky. It is amazing how everything slowly seeps to the surface, we are detoxing here, flushing out all the impurities in our lives and those things that stand in our way, our insecurities and vices are only starting to come to the surface. What a beautiful thing, and we have 430 people in one room feeling a version of the same thing. So tomorrow begins week two. It is sure to be hot, and it is sure to be exhausting, but I am ready! See you next Sunday for a weekly update!


Ok ok and I'll give you some of the dirt:
Bikram is funny! Let him make you laugh...
Living in a hotel room = a kitchen in the bathroom (aka boiling sweet potatoes while you shower), dental floss becomes a clothes line, a bed becomes a kitchen table, or maybe an ironing board does, to say "it feels good to get out" might just mean, sitting in the hallway out side room 922 listening to live tunes, chatting with neighbors and showing off yogi strength
Sleep: Yogi's don't sleep--- they just nap for a few hours in the wee hours of the morning
Bollywood movies-- are funny and extremely long
Water is divine, beds divine, cozy socks from home in a 6 hour lecture DIVINE (thanks Alex)
Final Savasana is HARD
And the truth: I'm not a real yogi yet so Peace, I'm outta here, I gots to SLEEEP, 6:45 wake up call!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Good Byes...

So it's started... I'm officially packed. My huge suitcase is stuffed to it's max and the bad news is, Alex is not in it, Stella...nope, Violet...she couldn't fit. I leave in 3 days, Sunday marks the beginning of my journey, but to be honest with you I think the hard part is over. Saying goodbye to Norristown High School, my students and my friends made for a lot of mixed emotions, but saying goodbye to Alex, made for only one. The tears just can't stop coming. I am so unbelievably grateful to have made a life for myself that is comprised of a man and a home that will support me and encourage me and wait for me while I work towards fulfilling my dreams, but I don't want to go. Hahahah just kidding of course...well kinda. Life is so good, I love being home, cuddling with my man and my puppies, cooking amazing dinners, going for long walks, laughing until it hurts and just being. I am going to miss that so incredibly much...the good news of course, this is only two months!

To leave what you are used to and comfortable with is a challenge. Don't ever think it isn't. I think about my sister, who has left the world she knew to live across the ocean with the man that she loves, I can't imagine how difficult it must be for her to miss her family, but she is doing what is best for her, same with Zena, my loves' brother's girl, who has recently packed up her life, jumped ponds and joined Gregory in New York. Leaving your comfort is hard, but living with out adventure and dreams is harder. I can't imagine not doing this for myself, and I am so proud that in 3 days, I will board a plane and join 440 other people who are taking a risk and diving right into a new life!

So anyway....suit case is packed....I've got yoga shorts and tops galore, a kettle, enough sweatpants and yoga pants to last a life time, three pairs of jeans, several dresses (one reserved for my sisters' wedding shower...Yey I get to come home for a night!!!!) pictures of home, tiger balm, water bottles, yoga matts, slippers, my blanky, a computer, camera, cell phone and chargers and anything else I could fit! The next few days will involve picking up some final items, a yoga class (probably just one, I'm taking it easy!) and a day of pure pampering...massage and hair cut. Man...I miss home already!!!!!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Final Countdown...

Well, I got my suitcase, it's not packed, but it IS sitting in my living room waiting to be filled with kitchen appliences, yogini clothes, notebooks, bathingsuits, a puppy or two and possibly my favorite man...oh wait. In just a few short days, I am leaving my very comfortable and very happy life in West Philadelphia for 9 weeks to meditate, concentrate and become a better version of myself, unfortantely my two precious puppies and my adorable boyfriend have to stay home and make sure I have a comfy bed to crash in on June 21! A little over two years ago I committed myself to health and happiness and in my quest I found Bikram Yoga. The love affair was instant. Bikram Yoga has brought me peace, it has brought me health (stronger bones YEY!) and most luckily, it has brought me the love of my life! Now, with the love and support of friends and family, I'm dedicating myself to Bikram's 9 week boot camp so that I can share my knowledge and peace with others. For now, I can only share my expierence. This is my journey! Countdown: 7 days until I say good bye to My Love... 8 days until I say good bye to My home... 12 days until I say good bye to the East Coast... You can read all about Bikram Yoga and the training at BikramYoga.com!!!!