I say this every time I teach, as soon as Eagle is over and people put down their water bottles, I go into my little spiel. "The next three postures are about your patience and concentrations...your patience with yourself and your body today and your concentration on your mantra..." Today...what is your mantra? In class, I repeat the words of Bikram,"Lock the knee, Lock the knee LOCK YOUR GOD DAMN KNEE ( ok, I don't say the last part, but if I was the boss I would!)" Any way, so outside the hot room, what's the word, what do I say to stay focused, concentrated, present?
This has been my challenge this week. NEWS FLASH: sometimes, even Yogi's have bad weeks and SOMETIMES, even Yogi's have a hard time getting out of their own heads long enough to remember the mantra. Sometimes, I lay on my back, stare into space and I want to say " breathing in I calm my self, breathing out I smile," but what comes up is; " what the *?@# are you doing? why did you go and ruin everything, your are so ridiculous to even think things would happen for you" WHOA...WHAT? WHO the heck is saying such a thing? It's hard ya know I'm a work in process, we all are, so sometimes I slip up, and sometimes, I don't treat myself oh so very nice. And truth be told, this week I've had a lot of time and a lot of arguments with myself. The two sides of me fighting to find harmony. "Where does hate start? It starts in you....you heart hates your lungs, you mind hates your body and your soul has no interest in a bad body and a screw lose brain" We have to get our three parts, mind body and soul working together, than and only than we can love others, which will in the end only help us to find happiness in our lives.
So what do we do? What do I do? Well I have to step back into myself and become really MINDFUL. Why is my ass 5x bigger than it was yesterday and why is it hard for me to get words out, why does it feel like my skin is crawling? Oh...what's that feeling? What's that emotion? Cause news flash, second one today FAT is not a feeling, so we most be feeling something else (and I use "fat" because that is my challenge, you can fill in the blanks with your own) So maybe I'm feeling ANGRY, can you believe it? Angry, me? Am I even suppose to feel that? I have to, we all have to accept that an emotion is just energy, not good or bad but necessary to be dealt with. So I'm angry this week, I still truly haven't figured out why. Maybe it's frustration with my happenings, maybe it's jealousy, maybe it's....oh who knows, I'll have to figure it out later. But if I can identify my emotion, accept it and then, guess what meditate on it, use the energy to kick my foot up over the top of my head and stretch forward towards the mirror until, maybe someday, I'll be in standing split. My emotions and my fears are for real, so are yours but we can't let them define us. We are not an ANGRY person, a sad person, a jolly person, we are all of these a complete and full person which is the most beautiful way to be. So I guess in the end, these emotions are a sign that we are normal human beings it is how we deal with them which makes us great.
So tonight, I'm trying I'm working on my self and meditating on what I want. All in all, I want to be happy and I want to be healthy, and I have that, so I should be satisfied. That is not to say I shouldn't dream. I have large dreams. My dreams are to bring this yoga to people who are in need in finding a path towards health, people in recovery from dangerous life styles, people who are seeking to learn about their bodies, how they work and what the run on in order to become stronger versions of themselves, and I get frustrated because I get overwhelmed. How can I? Little me? Possibly have such a big dream and see it come to fruition? Alex tells me to be patient and stay concentrated, " visualize it Molly, See it!" Oh man, I hope he's right!
So how do I sign off tonight? What note should I leave on? A high one? Why not? So my friends, being happy is hard work. Don't ever think, that one day you will wake up and life will be any easier....if it was easy it wouldn't be as good as it is, so wake up every morning and know that you are in control. You have control over two things your breath and your reaction, so breath through it, stay calm, accept the moment and feel good. Wake up every morning and appreciate at least five things in your life, appreciate at least five things about your self, and go with it! Face each moment as it comes, don't get to far ahead of yourself, and embrace ALL your emotions. Sometimes punching a pillow helps too! I just do more yoga, sweat it out baby!
So good night all, much love to you all! Be patient with yourself, your perfect and your doing the best you can as long as you are doing the best you can, concentrate on the moment and the goal. See it! Visualize it!