6:30 am...a rustle from the floor, and a whimper is my wake up call...time to walk the pups. This early hour may seem too early for some, but yogi's don't need sleep and the morning hours are my favorite, so I sneak out of bed pick up the pup, put my shoes on and go for my first morning stroll. 6:30 in the morning the house and the city are quiet, the sun is out in early July, and the heat is on. These are the hours where I sit with myself, quietly, I enjoy the stillness of my house while looking forward to see what today will bring...these days, I'm not sure what my days entail, so I trust that something great is bound to happen!
9:00 am, a pitter patter from the steps wakes me up from the couch...did I say yogis don't sleep...errr umm....sometimes, after a warm bowl of oatmeal a little nap feels good, just a little one...
So this is where no day remains the same, so I'm going to write about my favorite days as a yoga teacher since yoga training! These are the days where I go to work...did I mention that my work right now is doing yoga. My karma yoga is bring health and happiness to others and I do this by teaching others how to appreciate their bodies and all that they do for us as well as maintain a healthy life style. This job does not mean I just teach yoga, it means I do yoga. I have to make sure that I am practicing what I preach, continuing my practice of becoming a healthier, happier, better version of my self! (keep in mind, I'm making up times, I don't necessarily teach or practice at these times...but the bottom line is my favorite days are where I'm teaching two classes and taking one!)
11:00 am, walk down two blocks to pick up the trolley. One token takes me under the river to Center City where I will spend most of my day.
11:30 arrive at the studio, Bikram Yoga Philadelphia has a spirit. This studio has so much energy it thrives on a community of love and honesty and it makes you feel good just to sit on one of the big pillows in the lobby and talk yoga with one of it's very many students
12:00 "Hey Guys! How's it goin'? For those of you who don't know me yet, my name is Molly and I AM YOUR YOGA TEACHER!" flash forward 88 energetic minutes later..."Thank you so much for being here today, you guys worked so hard, you have inspired me to become a better student and a better teacher, now take two minutes to your self, enjoy this time, just breath, just relax and breath!"
3:30 by this time, I've had a snack, I've read dialogue, probably called Alex, went for a walk around the city and sat around the studio just chatting. The clock strikes 3:30 and I am in the center of my mat, concentrated, meditating. 89 minutes later I am in Savasana, breathing, I am here...I am comfortable...I am happy
BAM...5:30, I'm changed, third yoga kit for the day and I'm back on my feet in the hot room, teaching my second class. More energized, a little smarter and a little more warmed up. Man, I love this job!
After class, I hang around for a bit, chatting (seriously how much yoga can one talk...ummm a lot!) I throw in a load of towels, (yup that's right, all those sweaty towels, they don't scare me) and I head back to the trolley, on my way back West to my little home in West Philly!
I walk in the door and a healthy, balanced meal is cooking, it just needs some final Molly touches, some Thai Basil in the salad, a little cinnamon and cayenne on the Salmon and a little splash of love... it makes every meal better. I'm still running on high, so full of energy from my day in the hot room. Alex and I unwind together and it's not long before one of us mentions how grateful we are. Can you imagine? Two people working so hard to fulfill their dreams, going to work every day and THAT is one of the best parts of their days. Together they meet and talk about all the amazing things they are proud of accomplishing in one day and thank each other for supporting and loving one another. Think of it....
So, following my dream and beginning my new path was the best decision I have ever made. When I am focused on it I can see my future and it's fabulous...I just have to keep on working...
And then there's the flip side...the hard work, the work that sometimes doesn't feel all that great.
Making this decision meant I had to sacrifice a lot, I wrote about that a lot in my last entry. With all the amazing things that are happening also came a loss, a loss of comfort, security, organization, routine and of course with loss comes grief. So there are a lot of hours since I have been back that I've been sad, anxious, angry, wanting to cry wanting to punch. A lot of my old demons are creeping in and screaming loud to me. "Your not good enough, you'll never be able to do this." This makes me crazy! How can I heal others if I'm not feeling one hundred percent healed myself....oh that's right...
I think part of my process is discovering answers. My demons, my insecurities may never go away but now my work becomes identifying them, dealing with them and then sharing with others how to let go of them. What do you do when you feel like the fattest girl in the room? The ugliest girl in the room? That you are a failure, the worst, never just quite good enough? What do you do when you want to isolate, crawl in a room and hide from the outside world? What do you do when you want to retreat, return to an earlier, less healthy but "easier" life? hmmmm good question. This is my work right now. I'm teaching yoga, doing yoga, and when I'm not in the hot room it continues. My yoga practice, outside the hot room, becomes being present, appreciating all that I can do and all that I have. Seeing my emotions not as good or bad, but as what they are, waving to them, dealing with them and letting them pass by. My yoga practice becomes remembering that you can't hold on to anything, not your good days or your bad days but appreciate both and what you get from each. From all of my bad days I have become so strong, I have found myself as an individual worthy of love and happiness and I remain focused on that happiness, because MY GOD IT IS SOOOO WORTH IT!!!! Happiness is good don't be scared of it! Seek it, find it, embrace it and remember good days will follow bad. Life is a wave with ups and downs so lie down on your back, open your eyes, gaze at the clouds and let yourself be carried away!
Ok...so the two sides of my life right now as a yoga teacher, are the absolute joy I find in teaching and practicing yoga and the struggle I continue to have as I work towards my dreams. Both sides keep me going and both sides keep me strong....so for now, stay focused on what you want and be mindful of the way in which you live. Everything you do, say, work for, act on should all be done with love in your heart. Love for yourself, love for your friends and love for strangers, we're all just trying the best we can, doing what we know and if you disagree...teach you self, your friends and the strangers, we're all in this together! Yoga means union right!
ok, so it's almost 2:00 and my belly is craving some fruit salad before I hit the hot room. 4:30 teach a class 6:30 take a class!
Much love to you all