Isn't it ironic...
that today, February 27, 2012 marks the first day of Eating Disorder Awareness week, when last night as I stepped into the shower I had a rush over me. Now this rush isn't uncommon, the "Oh my god, I hate my body," rush, that sends me into a muscle spasm. My body just tenses up and it's a bit hard for me to breath for a few moments. I'm lucky it can only lasts a few moments, before I'm wrapped up in the arms of the man I love and I remember why I am where I am to begin with.
So I know, it's been a while since I have written, but I felt like today was a good day for me to start again. I've been teaching for a while, almost a year in fact, and I as much as I am enjoying teaching, I am even more enjoying learning more and more about myself. I think to understand what I have learned you have to know a bit of where I am came from.
So hear it is....I struggled with an eating disorder... for a really long time, it was ugly and scary and my best friend all at the same time. In 2007, my body gave up on me and I had to make a change. With some help, a lot of time, a lot of determination, a lot of tears and a lot of pain, I became a healthy version of myself. One day, hopefully one day soon, you will be able to read my book about my journey towards health. But anyway... since I have become a Bikram yoga teacher, I have learned so much about my body's needs, about my dietary needs, I have learned more and more about nutrition and food, and I have learned a lot about how the human body works. The human body is an amazing perfect machine that knows what it needs, knows how to take care of itself, but the sad thing is, we have been taught to fight our bodies to listen to a junked up mind and deprive our bodies of the things they need the most. So now, I have to make this clear. Having an eating disorder really has nothing to do with wanting to be thin. Yes, I wanted and I still want to be thin, but a lot more goes into it and to fight an eating disorder you have to work to complete a full healthy life. That requires mental, physical and emotional love, care and health. So in a quick blog, I can not go into what an eating disorder is and what you can do to help heal from one, but I can begin to talk about taking care of your body and falling in love with all of the things you body allows you to do.
Since I have been back from teacher training, I have had a lot of hard days a lot of self doubt, dare I say self hate kinda days, and I have grown from each hard day. I know that these days are important for me right now because, if I am really expecting myself to help others than I really have to figure it out for myself to begin with. I have done a lot of exploring and I have really started to understand.
I know, I know, we all want to lose weight, we all want a perfect body. But here it is. Your body, your healthy happy body, is perfect and your weight..."it's the least interesting part about you" That number flashing between your feet means nothing absolutely nothing if you are taking care of your body and your body's needs. I have come to a conclusion, every time you decide you want to diet, you want to cut something out of your diet, you have to do something way more fun. You have to ADD something to your diet. Something that your body is going to love you for and give back to you for. So many times, we come to the conclusion that the less we eat the happier we will be. We are so wrong. Eating is essential parts of life. So what if we instead of cutting out foods, we did a little research leaned about what foods work well with our bodies, worked well with each other and tried new things in order to lead a healthier life. Like beans, yum, that has been my most recent discovery and can I tell you my palate and belly are pretty happy! When we make healthy decisions, healthy food decisions, healthy life style decisions, our body is happy and gives back. It gives us good days, strength to make it through yoga classes, and spin classes and hikes through the woods. Our healthy body, gives us the energy to laugh with our friends, kiss our boyfriends, dance in the kitchen, go for walks with our pups and enjoy the little things in life. Our health starts with our body. We begin by taking care of our bodies, and then our mind catches up. When our mind and our body work together, that's when the magic really happens.... but that takes works. Lots of time, lots of effort and lots and lots of love.
So in the end, in honor of eating disorder awareness week, I am making a pledge for the week, at least the week and I hope you will join me. I am going to be nice to myself all week long. I'm not going to let myself talk bad about myself , I'm not going to let my mind deprive my body, and I am going to smile more than I frown (not that I frown very often...I have a natural yoga grin at this point) I am going to try something new...hmmm any one have any good recipes?
Much love to you all