Tuesday, March 6, 2012

One week down...51 to go...

Hello dedicated readers! Previously on last weeks episode...I mean blog, I wrote about being kind to your self.  I made a promise to myself to be nice for one whole week.  To not deprive myself, to not be mean and to try something new...so hmmm how did I do??? Well... Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday I woke up singing! Declaring to my fiance that waking up singing is the best way to wake up and that "I LOVE today!" And then 5:00 hit, I ran out of gas, I had to get to work and I started being mean, I could feel it creeping in, I tried to avoid it but it came out, I was distracted, I was grumpy and yes, I was weepy. But then something happened...

A woman came into the yoga studio with her 15 year old daughter.  The girl was beautiful, a perfect little fifteen, healthy, young lady.  "Hi, I want to sign my daughter up for your class, will this help her lose some weight, she wants to model and her agent wants her to lose weight here (pointing to her inner thigh) and here ( pointing to her waist)"  My heart sank.

" Well,  this yoga brings you back to normal" was the beginning of my response. "If you are underweight it will bring you up if you are over weight down, if you are healthy it will keep you there" The woman looked at me puzzled. "I can't tell you that this yoga is going to help this young lady lose weight, she looks perfectly beautiful to me."   The mother's eyes glazed over, "Oh, um, well, how long have you been doing this." four years, I started when I got the word from my DR. that I was allowed to do physical activity again. "four years" I said. "Can you stand up?" THE AUDACITY! This woman, wanted me to stand up so she could check me out! My jaw dropped!

" I will not stand up and show you what I look like, the yoga has nothing to do with what I look like.  It is a meditation, a mental discipline it's not about what you look like it's about being healthy, mentally, physically and emotionally"  The woman looked disappointed. "oh....ok...well we'll sign J- up for the intro week then, maybe it will help with her homework...but umm...it's not going to make her bigger right?"

And there it was, my karma, my work coming into my life right at that moment.  Bringing peace, sense of self, health and self worth into peoples lives.  One yoga class at a time... well ok maybe that's a bit much, but really.  This is what I'm doing. I'm working to bring health, self worth and peace into people's lives.  This is my yoga, my karma yoga.

I taught 15 classes last week.  Each class was different, I taught according to the needs of the class.  Some needed some tough love, while others needed a little more kindness a little more stillness each class was taught with love and the intention to make people learn something new about themselves.  That's what it is, that's why we do this yoga to learn about ourselves and to learn to deal with ourselves and to find joy in who we are.  The class that J- took, I taught about health. About the body's ability to give you what you need as long as you take care of it.  I talked about how by taking care of and listening to your body, you begin to be able to understand your mind, and when the two things come together is when we find peace within ourselves.  When we stop fighting.

When I went home, I fell back into my pattern.  I spilled some gas and I started to cry, called my self an idiot and completely forgot my promise to myself.  I woke up the next day and I decided, I can't let one day set me back, I had made a promise, so Friday was going to be a good day and I was going to be kind all day long.  I wonder...can I do this for 365 days, be nice to myself each and every day? What will the out come be?  Will I have more days where I wake  up singing rather than weepy and grumpy? Hmmm....it's worth a try...so how about this? I'm going to try for 365 days to be kind to myself.  To say something nice about me or my world every day, to smile at people, act out of love and continue to feed my soul rather than deprive my body.  I know there will be some ugly moments, there always are, but through yoga we learn to breath through it.

Iyengar says " The mind is the kingdom of the senses and the breath is the kingdom of the breath" If we have control over our breath, something bad happens and we continue to breath, deep breath in, deep breath out, then we have control over our senses.  When we feel, we don't have to react without thinking, we breath through it and choose to not react.  How about that! It's just like we say in class....life is still difficult, we just get more at ease with how difficult it is.  So the next time the gas tank empties, I split a pair of pants, or get another bill, I can choose to breath through it rather than reacting, placing blame and fighting.  365 days, being nice to myself...breathing through it. Who's with me?

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