Wednesday, February 13, 2013

February 24....

Did you know that February 24 is the start of National Eating Disorder week this year.  I didn't until just a few minutes ago, Facebook told me. Thank goodness for Facebook... Anyway, I had this subtle rush come over me as I read that this year on February 24, the Nation will kick off a week to acknowledge the struggle people have with this addiction, where ever it might come from.  I felt empowered.  Why you ask?  Well, February 24 is my due date, which is a pretty amazing in and of it self, but for me, the culmination of my pregnancy is not just about how my life is about to change, but it also marks how far my life has come in just a few short years.

Flash back 5 years ago, before yoga, before Alex, before pizza.  I am sitting in a therapist office, most likely running down a list of reasons why I can't agree to my nutritionist's challenge to eat a slice of pizza before the week is out.  I'm probably going over and over why eating as little as I do just works for me and how being a healthy version of myself scares me just as much as being a fat version of myself.  My therapist plays this card a lot, "you want children one day don't you?" she knows, that my whole life, it is what I've wanted to be a "soccer mom, with a mini van"  "yes of course I want babies, lots of them, but I don't think it's going to happen for me anyway"  My therapist, let's call her Anastasia for today, stresses to me that only a healthy woman will be able to give life to a new baby.  Anastasia explains that every time I want to use my symptoms, every time I want to go back to my old ways, stop eating, let my self become invisible again I need to imagine my child.  This got me.  I wanted to be a good mom to that unborn baby and I could only be a good mom to someone else when I started to be a good person to myself.  So, I didn't eat the pizza, but I did work really hard to sort myself out and fight against all of my demons, all the voices that told me I wasn't worthy enough to be healthy and I found a path to health.

My path was a long one, windy, difficult and included a lot of talks with my nutritionist, aka my Jewish mamma, and Anastasia, and a LOT of yoga! A whole lot of yoga.  My health and my life became a bit more complete when I met Alex.  I fell in love with him and the way that he loved me and I wanted to be a better person for him.  He inspired me to find a passion and give up comforts of easy life to follow dreams.  My dreams happened to take me into the hot room over and over again which in return helps me to stay healthy.

So anyway, flash forward to this moment, right now.  I just got home from teaching a class, such a great class, a quiet class with seven strong yogis, I'm sitting on my couch sandwiched between my two pups and have my laptop resting against my tremendous bump.  I'm a healthy, fat version of myself, but I have to be honest with you.  I love the kind of fat I am today.  I've got a baby inside of me, I am a healthy woman who has been able to carry this baby for 39 weeks and in just a few more days I will welcome my baby boy into my world.  So on February 24 I will celebrate the birth of my baby boy, and to be honest with you, that is probably all I will be thinking about, but today, as I look forward to that day I will celebrate all the people that have made me a strong person today, I will celebrate my self, for having the courage to face myself, to face my fears and conquer them.  I will celebrate the love that I have that has inspired me to continue to be better and I will celebrate all of the people out there struggling really hard to figure it all out, to overcome there own addictions and fears especially those with eating disorders.  It's a tough one, a really hard thing to overcome, and I'm not sure if we ever really completely do, but I do know life outside of the eating disorder is really good.  Life is good, and when you can find the good, it can only get better!

So if you think of it, on February 24 do something kind for yourself, in honor of National Eating Disorder week.  Spend a moment to find something you love about yourself and acknowledge it.  Remember your body is this perfectly amazing machine ( I say this in my yoga class all the time, if you want to hear it...COME TAKE A CLASS) your body knows what to do, stop fighting it and let it do it's job.  Become the best version of yourself!

Oh and keep me and my baby boy in your thoughts, our bags are packed and I am ready to go!  Can't wait to see his little face!!!!

Much Love to you,

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