It's 9:36 and class starts in 24 minutes. I'm 30 minutes away, in my yoga clothes sitting in my bed, next to my lies my sleeping baby, arms out out wide and hopefully dreaming of something sweet. We had every intention of going to yoga, spending 90 minutes in the hot room, but as I picked Miles up out of his crib I looked outside and realized that that tornado warning might be real and I better just stay home.
Oh, by the way, right after I wrote my last blog, the one about the longest spine twist, I had a baby. On February 26, 2013 an amazing thing happened. I became a mom to the most adorable little boy, and for three months, instead of writing I have just been cherishing every moment with this guy. Miles is 3 and 1/2 months old now, 17 pounds and is by far the best thing I have ever done!
So anyway back to me not getting to yoga. It's funny, I'm not even all that disappointed. Don't get me wrong I still love getting into that hot room, and too many days away from it I can start to feel my skin crawl, begging me to get back. But these days yoga isn't about me any more. It's not about standing there, feet together nicely, toes on the line, it is more about staying very present during every moment in my life, not worrying about the places that I'm not but getting the most out of the where ever I am at any given moment.
Today I am in bed, with a sleeping baby and two pups, there is raining falling down in sheets outside my window and the prospect of me getting to yoga is slim to none. So since I can't write about my practice today (which I never do anyway) I can only tell you how being a mom has changed yoga for me.
Well being a mom and doing yoga...well the two don't mix, I never get to go! Oh wait that's not true. They do mix and they compliment each other making me both a better yogi and a better mommy! It is true that I only get to do yoga 2-4 times a week and sometimes 0 times but never any more, and it is true that I miss going 7 days a week and feeling "hard core" with my yoga practice, but being a mom has changed my practice and my outlook on what it means to do yoga.
So after having a 9.7lbs baby, I had to take 5 weeks off. I would do a few back bends and a little bit of the standing series once in a while during those first five weeks, but for the most part I just concentrated on my little guy. When I finally made it back to the hot room, I was happily surprised to find that I could breath! Pranayama wasn't soooo hard for me any more and the heat didn't scare me. To my dismay I found that back bends were hard, I couldn't lock my needs in Pada-hastasana ( my mother in law is probably happy to know that my Japanese Ham sandwich was a bit soggy for a few weeks) and forget about the spine strengthening series. Full Locust is IMPOSSIBLE!!!!! The amazing thing was how calm I felt. For ninety minutes, I went into and out of asana's with a still mind. My busy busy new life that I was figuring out the other 22 and a 1/2 hours of each day didn't exist during my practice. It was just me and my new body and my breath. Class felt unbelievably good.
Oh and let's talk about this new body. This new inflexible, soft, a bit wider, and a lot tighter (and not tight in the good way) body. For the first few weeks after Miles was born, it was amazing how new and different my body was. It looked different, it felt different but for the FIRST time in my life I not only accepted this body, I fell in love with it. I even remember coming out of the bath room one day, just to tell my husband "Alex, don't tell anyone, but I secretly have never felt better about myself" This coming from a girl who STILL can't button most of her jeans, and has refused to buy new pants in three years. I was just so amazed at myself, the fact that I had grown a life for nine months, I delivered a baby (which is the HARDEST thing I have ever done) and how natural it felt to be his mom. Not to mention the fact that my body produced everything that my baby needed, and it was because of me and my husband that he was here with us live and in person.
Being a mom and doing yoga is similar in that way. No matter how many flaws you might believe you have, being a mom and being a yogi shows you how perfect your body truly is, because only a strong and healthy body can sustain being both.
Being a mommy yogini, I appreciate my yoga so much more. The days I get to go are gifts, I don't care who the teacher is or what studio I am able to get to, my practice is mine. It's not about the room any more, or the teacher, the heat or even how many times I fall out of my postures. It's about the ninety minutes that I do something to take care of myself.
Oh and it feels so good. It is amazing how much of my mommy life is spent hunched over. Hunched over his crib, hunched over his changing table, shoulders forward as I nurse him to sleep, hunched over his play mat, by the end of the first week of being a mom my back was killing me and yoga, as much as it hurt and as difficult as those backbends were, felt like a full body massage a really hard, kinda make it hurt, full body massage and I needed it...bad!
So let's see, being a mom changed my yoga...
1. I don't get to go very often, but when I do I APPRECIATE it
2. My body is tighter, softer and wider...but I LOVE it more
3. And all those hours of forward bends and back aches...my yoga gives me RELIEF
And how has yoga helped me be a better mom...well...baby is crying! I gots to go...
Much love to you all!
Hope to see you in a hot room someday very soon!!!!